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Happy 4th Birthday, Poly Land!

·1174 words·6 mins

Hey everyone! I’m happy to say that as of today, this site has been posting new content daily for four years. It’s pretty cool to be able to say that and to be writing this post.

Has it always been easy posting every day? No. But it’s been important to me to be there every day to provide emotional validation, thought experiments, or a much-needed laugh to anyone who reads this site.  Because the reality is that every day is a bad day for someone, a day when they could use a distraction or new perspective.

And when it comes specifically to polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy, studies have shown a pervasive stigma that we’re irresponsible or inconsistent — and not just when it comes to things like our love lives or our sex lives, but in a global sense. Here’s an example of one study in which research participants believed that people in consensually non-monogamous relationships would be less likely to floss, take multivitamins, or walk their dogs reliably.

Yes, really. There are people who think non-mono folks are incapable of taking vitamins, flossing, or walking their dogs. More than you’d probably expect.

Sure, I can rail online about how that’s a ridiculous notion all day long (because it is). I can assert that there are plenty of responsible non-monogamous people (because there are).

But I have to say there’s something really powerful about demonstrating that consistency in public, even if that’s by doing something small like posting every day no matter what. It’s a big part of why I do it.

Poly Land’s Fourth Year & What I’m Working On

Poly Land’s fourth year was very exciting. Probably the most exciting thing this past year was the release of  Psychic City, a slipstream murder mystery with themes that I explore a lot on this blog (and starring an FFF triad of psychic detectives) — psychology, insecurity, surviving trauma, being an outsider, etc.

I’m happy to report that I’ve already finished writing another novel in the same setting called Minerva the Liar that’s currently with my editor. It features another strong female lead, and this main character is also non-monogamous (she has multiple boyfriends). _Minerva the Liar _is heavily influenced by kink and features a secret society of femdom bureaucrats. It’s kind of a wild ride.

I’m also working on the direct sequel to Psychic City at the moment. It’s called Psychic Inferno and picks up at the moment the first book leaves off. I’m making excellent progress on it and expect to have the first draft of that finished in the next few months.

Part of why it took me so long to write _Psychic City _( aside from the psychological blocks I had to break through to do it) was because I built a world at the same time I did it and planned out story arcs for many characters for several books. The nice thing about thinking ahead is that it becomes a quicker matter to write the later books. Stay tuned. More is coming. And in the meantime, I hope you enjoy the first book in the series.


Anyway it’s time for our annual birthday tradition! Every birthday I post links to the most popular posts from the past year, the content YOU liked, read, and shared most. Here goes.

Poly.Land’s Top 10 Most Popular Posts (9/1/2019 – 8/31/2020) #

  1. It Was Terrifying the First Time I Dated Someone Who Was Really Good to Me
  2. I Wonder If I’ll Ever Get Used to Being in a Relationship Where We Both Want the Best for One Another
  3. A Bad Partner Fit Can Make You Feel Like You’re Worthless
  4. Why It Makes Me Nervous When Someone Asks Unnecessary Permission
  5. How to Stop Double Binding People You Love By Accident
  6. Dumped & Depressed: “You Wouldn’t Leave Someone With Cancer,” He Said.
  7. Why Non-Toxic Monogamy Is a Beautiful Thing & Why Yes = No, No = Yes
  8. Does Abuse Require Bad Intent or Can It Be the Result of Simple Incompetence?
  9. The Other Side of Open Communication
  10. You Can Be Conditioned to Expect Communication to Be Full of Tricks and Traps

My 10 Favorite Posts That Didn’t Make the Previous List

  1. Why I Always Think I Love People More Than They Love Me & Why I’m Probably Wrong
  2. Some of Us Struggle Like Birds
  3. Beware of People Who Date Like Irresponsible Pet Owners
  4. How to Grow Together Instead of Apart
  5. Feeling Bad About My Imperfections Did Me More Harm Than My Imperfections Ever Did
  6. Having Known Unselfish Polyamorists has Restored Faith the Pandemic Has Tested
  7. It’s Important to Figure Out Which Problems You Can Live With
  8. How to Have the Breakup Talk at the Beginning of Your Relationship
  9. There Are Many Different Ways to Be Tough and Resilient 
  10. Knowing Your Partner Is Most Important, Regardless of Exactly HOW You Get That Information

For previous years’ lists, please see the following posts:

I Almost Quit Doing This. I’m So Glad I Didn’t.

I haven’t talked about this much on the blog itself, but I came very close to quitting early on.

As I wrote in a post that came out in December 2016, I almost gave up on daily posting after the 2016 US presidential election:

That’s been the hardest part this past month — not knowing if anything I’m doing matters, that feeling that I’m “rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic” (as my friend Max put it).

“It all just makes me wonder: Should I descend into hedonism because the world is burning?” I asked my friend Z. “Or try to save it?”

“A little from column A. A little from column B,” Z answered.

I laughed. “I have a lot of weird fucking guilt because I made this commitment to write a blog post every day and finish my book, and I’m doing it, but it makes me feel selfish. Because who cares about my stupid writing? The world is burning. Or about to.”

And Z, the most jaded fuck I know, with no compelling reason to tell me this, replied, “No, it’s important because you’re sharing your voice, which right now a lot of people need to hear, so they know they aren’t alone.”

I’m here to tell you that what you’re doing matters, too.

Nope, stop it. Don’t argue.

It matters. It does. It fucking does.

And I’m still here to tell you that. I almost quit this project. It seemed silly to work on something like this — with all the big issues going on in the world.

But over the past four years, I’ve heard from so many of you personally. A lot of you have thanked me for being a voice that they needed to hear. As I write this post, Poly Land continues to grow. And so do I.

Thank you for being there all of this time. Thank you for showing up, too.


Happy 3rd Birthday, Poly Land!
·491 words·3 mins
I Stopped Playing Sports Because I Shut Down Completely When Someone Yells at Me
·409 words·2 mins
I Woke Up & the World Was Burning
·309 words·2 mins