Hey, Stop Being So Mean to My Friend: A Self-Compassion Conversational Interrupt

It's someone's lecture notes from a lecture. At the top left it reads "Self compassion Kristen Neff, PhD." At the top right, it reads "2015-03-24a, notes by Sacha Chua." Going top to bottom, left to right, first heading reads compassion. Under it it reads recognition of suffering, feelings of kindness, desire to help, shared Next heading: Self-compassion, under heading it reads self-kindness, common humanity - everyone, mindfulness, (awareness of awareness, responding vs reacting) next heading exercises, under heading is letter from imaginary friend, 3-chair (self-critic, judged, wise, compassionate observer), self-hug, caress, identify interconnectedness, noting thoughts, mindfully working with pain, mindfulness meditation, self-compassion journal, soften, soothe, allow, develop your own self-compassion mantra, compassionate imagery, compassionate body scan, identifying the trickster (ego), next heading "why is this a challenge," under heading: the need to feel better than others, parents, culture, the desire for control, map vs. territory, self-esteem opt out, contigent?, self-compassion is more helpful, love not fear, hate can't conquer hate, self-judgement can't stop self-judgement, next heading better, under heading understand, have compassion - actively comfort, replace w/kinder response (embrace & replace), next header, attachment patterns can be reformed, love, therapy, unconditional support, next header this is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need. Next header. Identifying what I really want, procrastination and understand fear, self-compassion & our bodies, taking care of the caregiver, next heading phases, backdraft, infatuation, true acceptance, next header Marshall Rosenberg, What am I observing? What am I feeling? what am I needing right now? Do I have a request of myself or someone else? next header control, not thoughts but how we relate to them, observe doesn't equal believe, next header p. 53 Notice - stop & recognize, soften, reframe, next header rumination, don't judge yourself, next header give yourself, kindness & care, remind yourself pain is part of the shared human exp., mindful awareness, next header dark chocolate - happy + sad, next header, directing, loving-kindness to our suffering, identifying your relationship patterns, self-compassion break, next header releasing sexual shame, transforming negativity, take a pleasure walk, next header, the demoralizing whip, next header loveliness, I don't belong, because of focus uniqueness, us vs. them, next header perfectionism vs being human, learning, next header interconnectedness, next header suffering = pain x resistance, the more we resist, the more we suffer, next header compassionate, mind training, mindful awareness parenting, gratitude & savoring, next header finding the silver lining, keeping a gratitude journal, savor the moment
Image by Sacha Chua / CC BY

I’m standing in middle of the kitchen, clutching my head out of frustration. “Ugh,” I say. “I just wish I weren’t so freakingĀ stupidĀ sometimes.”

“Page,” Justin says.

I move my hand and look directly into his eyes. “What?”

“Stop being so mean to my friend.”

I crack a smile.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Psychology Isn’t Just for Understanding Illness

a thought bubble drawn on a blackboard with chalk. Inside the chalk thought bubble is a real lightbulb
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

It’s curious. Many times when I disclose to someone that my background is in psychology, they immediately get defensive.

I can visibly see the difference in someone’s posture. They become guarded, worried that I’m going to analyze them.

That, in essence, I’m scanning them for defects. A bit like one of those space-age devices designed to examine the newly introduced alien artifact for signs of potential disease.  » Read more

Continue Reading

The Supernormal Stimulus: Figuring Out What Matters Most to Your Partner & Doing It

a photograph of a person wearing a straw hat and a white dress with a blue cloth tied around their waist leading about a dozen geese with a dog herding the geese from behind
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

In the 90s, I lived with a wide variety of people. Sometimes I stayed with relatives, but other times I crashed at friends’ houses, friends who were still living with their parents, since their teenaged home lives were more conventional than my own.

At one house I crashed with college professors who had the world’s smallest,  » Read more

Continue Reading

No Monsters, No Saints: Abusers Can Be Kind, the Abused Can Be Abusive

a mural of a lawyer being eaten by a shark being eaten by a mosasaur being eaten by a giant squid being eaten by a large pirranha being eaten by a demon
Image by Eden, Janine and Jim / CC BY

I spent a couple of years seriously studying medical terminology, preparing to work as a medical transcriptionist. Anatomy & Physiology. Pharmacology. A multi-semester course on Disease Processes.

I noticed quickly that some of the students were troubled about what we were learning about the myriad ways that the human body can break down.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Kindness Misers: “I’m Always Doing Everything for Everyone Else”

3 stacks of silver coins, of varying heights
Image by KMo Foto / CC BY

“I’m always doing everything for everyone else,” she says. “And where does it get me?”

I’m taken aback. I’m not sure where this is coming from. She’s got good qualities, but she’s far from anybody’s whipping boy. If anything, she’s more selfish than most.

“To hell with what they think,” she says,  » Read more

Continue Reading

The Curse of Self-Protection: “Don’t Make That Face, It’s Gonna Freeze That Way.”

a suit of armor
Image by T. Cowart / CC BY

It’s not easy being a kid. Kids have all the emotions that adults have, but they’re yet to figure out coping skills. Especially the little ones.

They act on their emotions rather than dealing with them. Excessive stress leads to behavioral problems.

However, in some ways, I admire their lack of emotional regulation.  » Read more

Continue Reading
1 2 3 7