Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher

a tower of colorful blocks (that are stacked like a Jenga tower) with several blocks off to the side on the table
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I write quite frequently about being a recovering people pleaser, including one piece I wrote for a client about the 10 biggest lessons I learned while recovering from people pleasing.

And yet… sometimes I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in addressing how profoundly different my thinking was before I began to critically examine it.  » Read more

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Sudden Salesmen, Boiling Frogs, and Creeping Concessions — Oh My!

a figurine of a frog holding a heart
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Reasonable people end up in truly unreasonable situations all the time. Situations in which someone is asking something big and inappropriate of them.

Sometimes when this happens, there’s a moment of clarity. A strong rebellion that onsets. Where you find yourself saying, “No. Screw you.” Perhaps for the first time ever to the person in question.  » Read more

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Love Is Basically Bias, So What Can You Do?

a photo of a Chansey doll prancing through a garden of fuschia flowers
Image by Kasadera / CC BY

Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.

Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Here are the other articles they’ve written for us:

    1. I’m Too Anxious to Be Jealous
    2. Everything I’ve Ever Learned About Non-Monogamy My Puppy Taught Me All Over Again 
    3. Is There a Right Time or Way to Break Up a Relationship?
  1.   » Read more

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Concept Creep, Or “You Keep Using That Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means.”

a lego figure of Inigo Montoya, a character from The Princess Bride
Image by Caleb Wagoner / CC BY

Concept creep has to be one of my biggest pet peeves.

What’s concept creep? It’s pretty much what it sounds like. Concept creep occurs when a concept that originally meant something very specific later comes to encompass a much broader set of unrelated, or only loosely related, phenomena.

Psychology has been particularly plagued by concept creep.  » Read more

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Could Procrastination Sometimes Be a Form of Masochism?

a board of multicolored post-it notes that all say "do it!" in marker
Image by Vic / CC BY

It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.

You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person.  » Read more

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Don’t Reward Behavior You Don’t Want to See Again

it's a watercolor painting of a rat solving a maze on a laptop computer while scientists in the background note the results on a clipboard
Image by Adria Richards / CC BY

Joke: “How do you punish a masochist?”

My answer: “Ignore them.”

Attention Is a Powerful Motivator

It’s something that experts advise new parents: Punishment can backfire if done too much or done the wrong way. Scolding or hitting tends to be particularly ineffective. Even if addressing a child’s behavior directly these ways is intended as punishment,  » Read more

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