Are There Situations Where Too Much Support Can Be Worse Than a Lack of It?

a lollipop in a mug
Image by Steven Greenberg / CC BY

I remember the first time I heard the term “secondary gain.”

I was transcribing charts for a large hospital system. I had recently transitioned to a floating role, where I had a primary hospital account I worked for but had been considered flexible and capable enough to work basically anywhere. To cover other people’s time off.  » Read more

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Fight, Flight, Freeze… Fawn?: Responding to Danger by Becoming a People Pleaser

a sign that's broken that says "yes"
Image by Anthony Clearn / CC BY

Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an excellent support system and a round of assertiveness therapy several years back.

Growing up under the thumb of a difficult mercurial parent, I learned early on how to anticipate her needs and accommodate them,  » Read more

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Does Modern Technology Make Separation Easier… or Harder?

a pause button
Image by wendEwho! Thompson / CC BY

I’ve spent the past few months separated from my nesting partner as he’s relocated to take a new job in Texas, and I’ve been staying mostly in Ohio to sell our old house and wrap up loose ends (traveling occasionally to Texas to help him with logistics).

And while it’s only temporary, how temporary it will be has been up in the air for weeks,  » Read more

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Sometimes Polyamory Means Sweet Goodbyes and Hurrying Back

paper that has goodbye and good morning printed on it many times in different orientations
Image by Giovanna Faustini / CC BY

Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.

Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Their regular blog is Eclectic Discourse (where pith goes to die; in-depth looks at awkward topics).

Here’s what they wrote for us today:

Goodbyes and Sweetness

I held their face in my hands as we kissed,  » Read more

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Cheerleader Effect, or People Are More Attractive in Groups

Image by Chris Cameron / CC BY

It all stems from a joke on the TV show How I Met Your MotherCharacter Barney Stinson points out that when women sit in groups that they all seem more attractive than if they were sitting alone. He calls this the Cheerleader Effect and likens it to how a squad of cheerleaders look gorgeous mid-routine but comparatively plain Jane alone.  » Read more

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