Sometimes the Best Way to Feel Better Is to Forget Yourself & Focus on Other People Instead

a black and white closeup of an eye. There's colorized blue eyeshadow in the outer corner.
Image by https://www.flickr.com/photos/simonnpowell/8489387607/ / CC BY

For a femme, I am really terrible at doing my makeup.

For real. I didn’t know the first thing, had practically never worn a stitch of makeup — let alone put it on myself — until a few years ago.

And even since then, I’ve been fuzzy on the particulars.  » Read more

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Sorry Not Sorry, Forced Apologies Aren’t Helpful and Aren’t Fooling Anyone

a wall that has "sorry about your wall" and a smiley face graffitied onto it
Image by Tim Green / CC BY

I do so hate a fauxpology (i.e., fake apology). You know exactly what I’m talking about. When someone’s saying the words, “I”m sorry,” but you can tell they don’t really mean it. Either by tone of voice or stilted word use.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” with an eye roll.

Or something equally unimpressive like,  » Read more

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“When a Metamour Resents My Existence, I Feel My Compersion Begin to Die”

black and white photo of a cat lying on a blanket
Image by Meagan, Pretty Piper / CC BY

Hi Page,

My compersion appears to be conditional. I’m not ashamed for this. I’m trying to acknowledge it and turn it around. Love shouldn’t be conditional and for me it’s not. So this has been a big pill to swallow. Have you written about this? When a partner’s partner resents your existence and you feel your compersion for them begin to die?  » Read more

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We Tend to Think More About Tasks That Are Unfinished

a hand holding a single puzzle piece
Image by Eli Christman / CC BY

Compersion has a semi-exalted status in polyamorous circles. Simply stated, compersion (also known as confelicity or mudita) is delight in the happiness of others — even when that happiness has little or nothing to do with you. When you get down to it, compersion is just a very specific kind of empathy, one that runs counter to our cultural expectations.  » Read more

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