PQ 18.3 — Am I prepared to face uncomfortable feelings such as jealousy, insecurity and fear about my partner’s loyalty and to put in the work required to overcome them?
“And what do you think makes someone a bad fit for polyamory?” she asks me.
The question catches me off guard. » Read more
Last night I dreamed we got back together. We were still us, but everything had changed. You’d forgiven me for what you thought you couldn’t. And I was just so relieved that you were talking to me again. I didn’t think past your forgiveness. I didn’t think about what would come next. The likelihood that we’d just slip into the same patterns that doomed us before. » Read more
My husband and I have started practicing polyamory for a little over four months now. It has come very naturally to me, but not my husband. I have had a partner for about three months and my husband goes through phases of being supportive and then being negative, creating “boundaries” that previously did not exist, » Read more
A little while ago, I published a piece called “My Number One Kink Is Direct Communication.” In that essay, I talk about the reasons why I have such a distaste for playing games with people when it comes to communication. I’m not a big fan of passive-aggression, guessing games in which one person is expected to mind-read the other’s thoughts, » Read more
In the 90s, I lived with a wide variety of people. Sometimes I stayed with relatives, but other times I crashed at friends’ houses, friends who were still living with their parents, since their teenaged home lives were more conventional than my own.
At one house I crashed with college professors who had the world’s smallest, » Read more
Mister Rogers was a very big part of my childhood. He was a gentle, loving presence on television that reminded there were people in the world who were wholesome and truly cared about others, even if they seemed like they were in awfully short supply in my own life.
Even now, 15 years after his death, » Read more
PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner?
Having Time To Myself
In spite of the fact that I’m a polyamorous extrovert (labels that when combined scream “people person”), » Read more
PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?
While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:
- Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
» Read more
Codependence is an overused term implying that normal partner interdependence is somehow dysfunctional.
The concept and terminology came out of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement; the addicted were seen as trapped in a web of dependency with others (their enablers, or codependents) who made excuses for and assisted the addicts in avoiding the consequences of their addiction, » Read more
Recently, my nesting partner Justin decided to switch over to a low-fat diet. Since I normally serve as the official meal planner for our house, it’s been a big project. Especially because left to my own devices, I typically have two personal eating modes: 1. Low Carb or 2. Eating Like I’m on Death Row. » Read more