It’s 4 in the morning. My body doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I’ve been up that long, trying to make the most out of every last minute I have with you, since I won’t see you for a few months.
We leave for the airport at the last minute. I’m taking the red eye back home. » Read more
PQ 13.6 — In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered?
The Power and Responsibility of a Blank Check
I absolutely love my current agreements. I have carte blanche with my anchor partner Justin (the artist formerly known as Skyspook). Carte blanche is French for “white card.” » Read more
PQ 13.5 — Are there specific things I can ask my partners to do for me to help me feel loved and cared for?
I’m sitting and having coffee with a friend of mine I haven’t seen in a while. She looks great. Lots of things are going right for her at the moment. » Read more
I recently presented at the Beyond the Love conference in Columbus, Ohio. One of the two classes Justin and I taught there was on managing boundaries in polyamory. As part of that topic, we used a model of control where everything falls into one of three buckets:
- Things we can control.
» Read more
“How are you doing?” I say.
“Honestly, I’m scared,” he says.
“Scared?” I say. “I promise I don’t bite.”
“Not without permission anyway.”
“I just don’t know how to process any of it,” he says. “I’m in love with a married woman.”
“Oh, » Read more
It’s that time of year again. Everyone in my web is talking about what they’re getting each other for the holidays. Metamours and telemours hitting me up for gift ideas for Justin (a.k.a. Skyspook).
Well, I’m frozen in fear.
You see, I’m neurotic about gifts. Giving them, » Read more
A study came out a while back correlating personality traits with polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. I read it with great interest but didn’t write about it for a long time.
Frankly, I was rather feelsy about the results:
- Having an openness to experience made it more likely that someone would have positive attitudes towards consensual non-monogamy (CNM) and be willing to engage in those kinds of relationships
- People high in conscientiousness were markedly less likely to have consensually non-monogamous relationships and in general held more negative attitudes toward them
As the study authors wrote about the second point:
“[I]ndividuals who tend to be very organized, » Read more
She’s been pushed too far. Way too many times. And what she wants more than anything is for you to wait.
All she wants is time to make up her mind. Enough so that she can really sort through and consider her feelings. Enough to make sure this is what she wants. Moving too quickly in the past has led to buyer’s remorse. » Read more
PQ 13.4 — What evidence do I have that my partners love and care for me?
The Love Detective
For most of my life, I was a detective when it came to my relationships. I was constantly on the hunt for evidence — incriminating details that showed that they weren’t as excited about me as I hoped they were. » Read more
PQ 13.3 — What are my existing commitments? How can I meet them while still making room for new relationships?
I’ll admit it. There are days when I feel like I’m playing Tetris with only the top few lines open. Trying to spin those clunky blocks in basically no space at all, » Read more