I’m told that I come off very secure. It’s a surprise to even people who have known me well that I’ve ever struggled with feelings of insecurity. That I had to intentionally work on learning to cope productively with jealousy.
But I did. I’m doing a lot better with it these days than before, » Read more
Wow. Okay. Not only did today’s study come for me, it kicked open my front door and brought a bunch of friends with it, who proceeded to “toss” my apartment.
I am honestly feeling so attacked right now.
As some of you may know, while my love life is fantastic these days (and very stable), » Read more
These are truly strange times. As of this writing, I have barely seen anyone other than my live-in partner for about seven months. When I had to go in for a physical exam, labs, and a flu shot at my primary care physician’s office (because I was many months overdue and they refused to refill my migraine meds until I came in and proved to them I was still alive), » Read more
The last several months, it’s been hard to escape futility. I try not to spend a lot of time wallowing in darkness because I find it doesn’t work out well for me. But if I’m being honest, there have been plenty of days when it’s been hard to update this blog.
And that’s because as much as I don’t like to wallow in despair myself, » Read more
We’ve had a terrible evening. The next morning, we wake up already feeling exhausted. Full of regret.
The first thing you say to me is an apology. You tell me you feel awful. I try to let you off the hook, but you aren’t done feeling bad yet about what you said. So you make me really good coffee instead. » Read more
“You know,” I say, “I feel like I’ve been training for lockdown for years and years.”
“Oh?” he replies.
I nod. “All that delayed gratification kink work I’ve been doing is really coming in handy.”
He laughs, but I explain that I’m not joking. Not really. It’s true that a lot I’ve wanted to do has gone on hold for what will likely be a long while yet (and has been about seven months on hold so far). » Read more
It’s unfair. It really is.
It’s unfair how easy it is to say something that deeply wounds someone else. And unfair how long that wound can hurt, even if you didn’t mean the awful thing you said. Even if it was only said impulsively, in anger, shot out of your mouth in a torrent of testosterone. » Read more
I was a really happy-go-lucky kid. Naturally. But as I grew older, I learned to lean more into this feeling. I took on a willingness to compromise. Didn’t need to get much of what I wanted.
This was because I had a few very particular people who also lived in my household. And they were always holding everything up. » Read more
When the COVID-19 pandemic first hit the United States, a lot of people were joking about an uptick in babies 9 months later. The idea was that with lockdown in place, we’d have very little to do. Few ways to entertain ourselves. And so people would resort to baby-making with full force.
As I write this, » Read more
I recently stumbled onto a study that explores something I don’t actually have much experience with: The experience of fantasizing about consensual non-monogamy. As some long-time readers may know, I wasn’t all that interested in open relationships before I suddenly found myself in one. Polyamory came and found me, not the other way around.
So I don’t have a lot of experience with fantasizing about consensual non-monogamy without having tried it. » Read more