PQ 7.8 — Does my communication show that I take responsibility for my actions and emotions?

A pie chart. Above the pie chart, it reads "Who is responsible?" The two choices are "Them" and "us." "Them" takes up the vast majority of the pie chart. "Us" is only a small sliver.
Image by Sean MacEntee / CC BY

PQ 7.8 — Does my communication show that I take responsibility for my actions and emotions?

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When Someone “Makes” Us Feel Something

It’s very common to hear people say that someone “made” them feel something.

“She made me feel bad.”

“You make me so unhappy.”

“He makes me so frustrated.”  » Read more

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Polyamory Toolbox: Wearing the Friend Hat

2 plastic toy people who appears to be friends. Both are wearing hats and scarves. They are positioned so that they seem to be in mid-conversation with one another.
Image by fdecomite / CC BY

Part of what can feel daunting when trying to navigate polyamorous relationships is how few cultural models we have for a lot of what happens.

How are we supposed to act when we’re sharing a romantic partner with others? And how should we interact with our metamours (i.e., our partner’s other partners)?

Popular depictions of love triangles are profoundly unhelpful.  » Read more

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Martin Under the Bridge: Polyamory, Check-Ins, and Concern Trolling

A weasel sitting on a stick with a wire wrapped around it, at the Bering Land Bridge.
Image by Bering Land Bridge National Preserve / CC BY

Check-Ins and the Threat of Concern Trolling

“So you check in with your partners about stuff before you do it?”

“Sure do,” I say. “My current agreement doesn’t require me to, but I think it’s not a bad practice to give people a heads up. Y’know, considerate.”

“Okay. So let’s say you want to date someone.  » Read more

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Your Friendly Neighborhood Relationship Anarchist

a large BBQ grill with its cover shut, on a wooden patio
Image by jspatchwork / CC BY

The Many Faces of Relationship Anarchy

The first time I heard the term “relationship anarchy,” I practically leapt out of my chair.

I’d been talking about how the way I viewed (and practiced) polyamory didn’t fall in line with a former metamour’s. We approached poly very differently, and invariably whenever we had philosophical differences,  » Read more

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To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum, Not a Binary

A venn diagram up above a cityscape. One of the circles says "yes," the other says "no." The overlap between the two is labeled "me."
Image by Terminals & Gates / CC BY

Mono/poly relationships (i.e., pairings in which one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous) are famously difficult.

While there are many factors, we do ourselves no favors by viewing monogamy and polyamory as polar opposites rather than as points on the same spectrum.

Consider this: It’s difficult to find a workable middle between two things if you’re convinced that one can’t possibly exist.  » Read more

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