Let’s say your partner is seeing someone new. And you really don’t like them. What do you do?
Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
The first thing you need to do is ask yourself: “Why don’t I like this person?”
It could just be a personality conflict (which totally happens). » Read more
PQ 7.8 — Does my communication show that I take responsibility for my actions and emotions?
When Someone “Makes” Us Feel Something
It’s very common to hear people say that someone “made” them feel something.
“She made me feel bad.”
“You make me so unhappy.”
“He makes me so frustrated.” » Read more
Part of what can feel daunting when trying to navigate polyamorous relationships is how few cultural models we have for a lot of what happens.
How are we supposed to act when we’re sharing a romantic partner with others? And how should we interact with our metamours (i.e., our partner’s other partners)?
Popular depictions of love triangles are profoundly unhelpful. » Read more
They check your phone whenever you leave it lying around.
“Who’s this?” they want to know. “And why did they text you a smiley in the middle of the night?”
They bristle when the waitstaff smiles at you. “Don’t think I didn’t see that!”
“See what? They were just being friendly.” » Read more
People Who Will Dance vs. People Who Won’t
Binaries are funny. As we work towards a more diverse, inclusive culture, they’ve fallen out of favor. And it’s easy to see why. Trying to stuff everybody into one of two categories? Well, it’s rarely a perfect fit.
But cognitively? Binaries are a very tidy way to sort information. » Read more
Check-Ins and the Threat of Concern Trolling
“So you check in with your partners about stuff before you do it?”
“Sure do,” I say. “My current agreement doesn’t require me to, but I think it’s not a bad practice to give people a heads up. Y’know, considerate.”
“Okay. So let’s say you want to date someone. » Read more
The Many Faces of Relationship Anarchy
The first time I heard the term “relationship anarchy,” I practically leapt out of my chair.
I’d been talking about how the way I viewed (and practiced) polyamory didn’t fall in line with a former metamour’s. We approached poly very differently, and invariably whenever we had philosophical differences, » Read more
Mono/poly relationships (i.e., pairings in which one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous) are famously difficult.
While there are many factors, we do ourselves no favors by viewing monogamy and polyamory as polar opposites rather than as points on the same spectrum.
Consider this: It’s difficult to find a workable middle between two things if you’re convinced that one can’t possibly exist. » Read more
PQ 7.7 — What do I do to make sure it’s safe for my partners to communicate with me, and to let them know it’s safe?
The issue at the heart of today’s question is near and dear to my heart. As I wrote in PQ 4.5, » Read more
“So this couple I know is poly now. I never would have thought they’d open up,” she says.
“Why is that?” I ask.
“Well, they’re really tame. Neither of them has slept with very many people. I think she’s his first, and he’s her second,” she replies.
“And it surprises you that they opened up?” » Read more