PQ 18.3 — Am I prepared to face uncomfortable feelings such as jealousy, insecurity and fear about my partner’s loyalty and to put in the work required to overcome them?

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Image by Mark Goebel / CC BY

PQ 18.3 — Am I prepared to face uncomfortable feelings such as jealousy, insecurity and fear about my partner’s loyalty and to put in the work required to overcome them?

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“And what do you think makes someone a bad fit for polyamory?” she asks me.

The question catches me off guard.  » Read more

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Last Night I Dreamed We Got Back Together

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Last night I dreamed we got back together. We were still us, but everything had changed. You’d forgiven me for what you thought you couldn’t. And I was just so relieved that you were talking to me again. I didn’t think past your forgiveness. I didn’t think about what would come next. The likelihood that we’d just slip into the same patterns that doomed us before.  » Read more

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Just Because Communication Is Direct, That Doesn’t Mean It Has to Be Harsh

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

A little while ago, I published a piece called “My Number One Kink Is Direct Communication.” In that essay, I talk about the reasons why I have such a distaste for playing games with people when it comes to communication. I’m not a big fan of passive-aggression, guessing games in which one person is expected to mind-read the other’s thoughts,  » Read more

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The Supernormal Stimulus: Figuring Out What Matters Most to Your Partner & Doing It

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

In the 90s, I lived with a wide variety of people. Sometimes I stayed with relatives, but other times I crashed at friends’ houses, friends who were still living with their parents, since their teenaged home lives were more conventional than my own.

At one house I crashed with college professors who had the world’s smallest,  » Read more

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PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner?

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner?

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Having Time To Myself

In spite of the fact that I’m a polyamorous extrovert (labels that when combined scream “people person”),  » Read more

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PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share

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PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?

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While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:

  1. Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
  2.   » Read more

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Polyamory Helped Me Ditch Codependence and Find Healthy Interdependence

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Image by Chris Dart / CC BY

Codependence is an overused term implying that normal partner interdependence is somehow dysfunctional.

The concept and terminology came out of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement; the addicted were seen as trapped in a web of dependency with others (their enablers, or codependents) who made excuses for and assisted the addicts in avoiding the consequences of their addiction,  » Read more

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It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else

a white dinner plate that has salmon topped with dill, scallops topped with bacon, and asparagus spears on it
Image by Naotake Murayama / CC BY

Recently, my nesting partner Justin decided to switch over to a low-fat diet. Since I normally serve as the official meal planner for our house, it’s been a big project. Especially because left to my own devices, I typically have two personal eating modes: 1. Low Carb or 2. Eating Like I’m on Death Row.  » Read more

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