PQ 17.4 — How much space do I have to devote to new relationships right now?

a black and white photo of a drinking glass that's half full of water
Image by Kalyan Chakravarthy / CC BY

PQ 17.4 — How much space do I have to devote to new relationships right now?


Reasonably? Hmm… As of this writing, I’m fresh off a breakup. With that relationship in the picture, I was polysaturated but not feeling overloaded or strained. So now that it’s over, I figure I have room in my life for probably one more relationship, especially if that new partner were flexible in their expectations and we had compatible schedules.

I absolutely have availability in my life for a new partner to become very, very serious, but usually those things take time, between working out logistics and making sure all of their partners and all of mine are comfortable, etc.  So I’ve historically found that impatience and inflexibility are the biggest impediments to becoming seriously entangled with me.

Anyway, I’m totally open to seeing someone new, but I’m not really actively looking.

As I wrote in an earlier piece, while I’m rarely polysaturated, I’m usually polysatisifed. For me, the biggest allure of polyamory has lay in the realm of infinite future possibility. The potential for new things. Even when I was functionally monogamous (only dating one person at a time despite being philosophically poly), I found it very exciting that if someone happened to come into my life where we felt a mutual connection that I would have the freedom to explore that.

I’m not polyamorous because I require multiple partnerships. I’m polyamorous because I connect easily with others, and sometimes really cool people just wander into my life.

Sometimes those connections blossom into something glorious and long lasting. Other times, things fail fast and I get my heart broken. But I end up having a lot of experiences and learning a lot about myself in the process.


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This post is part of a series in which I answer each of the chapter-end questions in More than Two with an essay. For the entire list of questions and answers, please see this indexed list.

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