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PQ 15.1 — What are my existing commitments? How much time do they leave for new partners?

·352 words·2 mins
PQ Series

PQ 15.1 –What are my existing commitments? How much time do they leave for new partners?



“How do you manage it all?” she says. “You’re dating three people. And you work a lot. You’re always writing.”

“I’m definitely full up right now,” I say. “For what it’s worth, I do find that having limited time with partners means I have to make the most of what time we spend together. So I do. And I try to be as productive as I can at work.”

“Sure,” she says. “But don’t you ever get resentful of all the demands being made on your time?”

“Demands being made on my time?” I ask. I’m confused as to what exactly she’s talking about.

“Like… when people show up and they want time with you, don’t you want to tell them to go the hell away?” she asks.

“You’re talking about my partners?”


“I can’t say that I have that feeling much these days,” I say.

“Seriously?” she says.

“Seriously,” I say. “I’ve had it before. And when I did, it actually was helpful.”

“Helpful how?”

“When I started to dread spending time with someone, viewing it as an interruption rather than as an opportunity, it helped me realize that maybe they weren’t someone I should be dating,” I say.

“Huh,” she says. “That makes sense.”

“That said, things do happen. There are weeks where I don’t have much left over to give _anyone _after I’m done with work and basic responsibilities. And the same happens to my partners sometimes. What’s important then is flexibility. I’m very fortunate that way, these days. My partners are all a good mixture of reliable and flexible. It helps.”


For a different answer to a very similar question, please see  PQ 13.3 — What are my existing commitments? How can I meet them while still making room for new relationships?


This post is part of a series in which I answer each of the chapter-end questions in More than Two with an essay. For the entire list of questions and answers, please see this  indexed list.


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