Cusp

I rode the wave for what seemed like forever the other night. We were working in concert, floating me at the cusp – it was years or maybe an instant, come or die, come or die, but please, please don’t stop.

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When I first got on Lexapro, it was an incredible life changing moment. I found my anxiety attacks greatly reduced in number, the daily weeping gone. I was able to focus better than I could remember on my goals, on the future. I got control of my eating, started exercising, lost weight. Even the minor sexual side effects seemed a blessing. As the libidinous partner in a virtually sexless marriage, it took the bite out of my urges, made the long droughts more bearable.

And though Lexapro is still serving me well these days, and I feel plenty of sexual pleasure, I have found it infinitely more difficult to “peak” as of late – as I discussed more extensively here.  It’s not impossible by any means. It just takes a concerted effort and some mental wrangling on my part.

I had viewed this as a defect, as a weakness, until the other night – when Skyspook had his hands on me, gently rocking me, effortlessly holding me at a high level of arousal, knowing full well that he could hold me there indefinitely, that there was no danger of bringing me to the brink until we were both good and ready.

I was free of the sensation that my orgasm was a trick I should perform, a validation of his prowess, his ego, a hoop I should jump through to please him. I was able to focus on my own pleasure and hold it inside of me with complete clarity.

And it was absolutely delicious.

 

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