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PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?

a closeup of a dark-colored car. There's a yellow banner that draped across it that reads Student Driver in black letters
Image by burnbless / CC BY

PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?

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Where I grew up at least, the cars they use for driver’s ed have a second set of controls on the passenger’s side.  » Read more

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PQ 12.6 — Do I use the word veto to describe something other than an ability to unilaterally end a partner’s relationship — for example, when I give input to my partners about how I feel about their other relationships? If so, why? Is there something about the word that reassures me in a way that negotiation and input do not?

a sign that reads "furnished apartment for rent" in the center of the photo. On the left is a thermometer. On the right is a Coca-Cola sign.
Image by turkeychik / CC BY

PQ 12.6 — Do I use the word veto to describe something other than an ability to unilaterally end a partner’s relationship — for example, when I give input to my partners about how I feel about their other relationships? If so, why? Is there something about the word that reassures me in a way that negotiation and input do not?  » Read more

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The Tyranny of Takebacksies and When Hierarchy Goes Mean

cartoon stick figures playing tug of war. Person on the left is tugging against three people on the right.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Hi Page, 

I have been in a polyamorous relationship for several months now, and everything seemed to be going relatively okay until about a month and a half ago. There were small obstacles along the way, but I was under the impression they’d been overcome.

To start from the beginning: I met my partner Tom† when we ended up sitting next to each other on a train and spoke for the whole ride.  » Read more

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Not Permission, Not Chaos: Toward a Buy-In Model of Polyamory

a stick figure person drawn on a sheet of typing paper with 4 connector cables attached to its head
Image by Omran Jamal / CC BY

It can be a difficult balance to strike in polyamory: How to add new partners to an existing relationship system without upsetting the relationships that are already in place.

A number of common strategies exist. Some relationship systems have extensive permission structures in place. Existing partners are consulted and each is called upon to approve or veto potential new relationships.  » Read more

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