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Why Non-Toxic Monogamy Is a Beautiful Thing & Why Yes = No, No = Yes

a house with a colorful abstract mural painted on its side that reads "Be Excellent to Each Other"
Image by Jeremy Segrott / CC BY

Even though I run a site called Poly.Land, sometimes people are surprised to find out that these days I don’t consider myself to be primarily polyamorous per se — but ambiamorous.

I’ve written about ambiamory many times on this site, for example:

To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum,  » Read more

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Toxic Monogamy, Why Mono/Poly (and Poly) is Hard

a cannister with the image of a man wearing a gas mask spray painted onto it
Image by eggrole / CC BY

Mono/poly relationships, i.e., a relationship between a partner who is monogamous and one who is polyamorous, are notoriously difficult. Traditional poly blogger wisdom points the finger at both parties having to compromise and feeling somewhat shortchanged. The difference between the relationship structures is to blame for the trouble, they write. But I think it’s even simpler than that.  » Read more

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Dear God Is Monogamy Easier When You Stop Shaming Yourself for Crushes

a bunch of stick figure seeming dolls, all happy, moving in a crowd
Image by Alexandre Delbos / CC BY

“I have to thank you for me having sanity,” my monogamous friend Gull says.

“Ooooo,” I say. I lean forward in my chair. This sounds like it’s gonna be good.

“So okay, I’ve been talking to this dude for about six months,” she says. “And the friendship kind of got thrown into close friendship quickly due to stupid stuff from external drama.”  » Read more

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PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share

a picture of someone's legs and feet as they lie on a wharf next to a harbor. The feet are wearing brown boots.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?

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While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:

  1. Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
  2.   » Read more

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PQ 17.1 — What assumptions do I have about what my relationships “should” look like? How are these assumptions influenced by the cultural narratives about monogamy, and how much are they truly mine?

a blue fish with black stripes and a black raised back crest swimming around in a fish tank
Image by Thomas Giuretis / CC BY

PQ 17.1 — What assumptions do I have about what my relationships “should” look like? How are these assumptions influenced by the cultural narratives about monogamy, and how much are they truly mine?

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Assumptions are often hidden to us, and as such, they’re easier seen in hindsight, after we don’t have them anymore.  » Read more

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