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Forgiveness Doesn’t Have to Look Like Forgiveness to the Person You’re Forgiving

abstract black and white digital art; it appears to be a blurry arch
Image by Howard Duncan / CC BY

forgive (verb) – to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake

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As I mentioned in another recent post, people tend to have a very expansive notion of forgiveness. They’ll often act as though forgiving someone means that you forgot what they did or that you allow your relationship with them to be exactly as it was before.  » Read more

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What’s Forgiveness Orientation & How Does It Affect Relationships?

a rock with the English word "Forgiveness" next to the Chinese character for the same word
Image by James_Seattle / CC BY

There’s been a theme lately as I’m listening to people’s troubles and giving out advice.

You can tell a lot about a situation by what their particular forgiveness orientation is, how their forgiveness is balanced between self and others.

In the most simple terms, a forgiveness balance can be expressed with the following equation: Forgiveness of self divided by forgiveness of others.  » Read more

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I’ve Always Been a Sucker for a Comeback & It Almost Destroyed Me

a pair of hands clasped together with a rainbow beam of light shining over them
Image by Pexels / CC 0

There’s a meme that’s been flying around for some time that talks about how kids who were mistreated will learn to love unwanted things. I personally have loved Godzilla and other kaiju for a very long time. And a lot of other people I know who had rough childhoods will frequently root for the villain.  » Read more

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The Moment When I Realized I Couldn’t Become Impossible to Disappoint

someone limboing under a limbo pole while others onlook
Image by Paul Sableman / CC BY

I’m sitting in the midst of yet another week where folks seem hellbent on limboing under my already perilously low expectations.

I’ve heard it said so many times, typically by someone smug and tipping an imaginary or real hat, as they intone words they act like they made up but are just parroting.  » Read more

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An Effective Apology Can Be About Establishing a Shared Reality

a white outline of the united States map on a pink background. The words "SORRY" in pink are imposed over the US map.
Image by jason wilson / CC BY

I’ve been in a lot of relationships at this point. Some of them were marked by good conflict resolution and others… well, they really, really weren’t.

I’ve often said to friends that a good apology means the world to me. That for me it’s often less about there never being conflict in the first place and more about being with someone who apologizes well when things go off-track.  » Read more

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