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Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: I Still Do More Than My Fair Share, Just on a Smaller Scale

a brass sign on a door that says "packages"
Image by marc falardeau / CC BY

I’ve been having a fun time writing these essays about being a recovering people pleaser. Here are the first two I wrote.

11/25/2019 – Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher

11/29/2019 – I Didn’t Want to Change 

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In these articles, I’ve been talking about odd quirks that come with my history of people pleasing.  » Read more

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Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: I Didn’t Want to Change

a very mopey-looking bulldog lying on concrete
Image by psyberartist / CC BY

As I’ve written many times, I’m a recovering people pleaser.

On confident days, I find myself venturing the idea that I am a recovered people pleaser. But then I decide that’s how they get you. You get complacent and assume you are forever changed, and then you’re slipping back into the old ways.  » Read more

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Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher

a tower of colorful blocks (that are stacked like a Jenga tower) with several blocks off to the side on the table
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I write quite frequently about being a recovering people pleaser, including one piece I wrote for a client about the 10 biggest lessons I learned while recovering from people pleasing.

And yet… sometimes I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in addressing how profoundly different my thinking was before I began to critically examine it.  » Read more

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The Moment When I Realized I Couldn’t Become Impossible to Disappoint

someone limboing under a limbo pole while others onlook
Image by Paul Sableman / CC BY

I’m sitting in the midst of yet another week where folks seem hellbent on limboing under my already perilously low expectations.

I’ve heard it said so many times, typically by someone smug and tipping an imaginary or real hat, as they intone words they act like they made up but are just parroting.  » Read more

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The Middle Path Between Accepting or Rejecting a Difficult Self-Belief Outright Is Testing It

5 test tubes, left to right, have fluid in the following colors: orange, yellow, green, blue purple
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

There are lots of important things I was never told about relationships. Not told by popular depictions of course, which are really a strange way to learn about what relationships are like (although a lot of us do learn primarily this way).

But also not told by my parents. Or anyone else, really.  » Read more

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If You Don’t Want to Write Back to a Stranger, You Probably Shouldn’t

it's a reply to message icon
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I have been getting random Internet messages from people I don’t know for a very long time. Certainly these days — but well before. Back before I wrote daily in public or managed a large social media page, I still got a steady stream of outreaches from strangers.

I’ve never quite reasoned why.  » Read more

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The Subtle Art of Differentiating Between Self-Imposed and External Pressure

an apron with lungs embroidered on it
Image by Hey Paul Studios / CC BY

“God,” I say. “I’m so sorry.”

I’m rushing around the kitchen. He’s not supposed to be here yet, but he is. My math was wrong. He’s home a few minutes earlier than I thought he would be. And dinner is not quite ready.

Well, it’s not served at least. It’s just about cooked.  » Read more

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The Unappreciated, Accidental Romantic Upside of Being Solely a “Freezer” and a “Fawner”

a white chest freezer with its top lid open
Image by osseous / CC BY

I recently wrote an essay called “It Was Terrifying the First Time I Dated Someone Who Was Really Good to Me.” Here’s an excerpt:

I was used to being self-reliant. I had been conditioned my entire life to never ask for help because it meant being sharply criticized by others or told that I was weak for asking.  » Read more

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