You Gave Me the World & Said It Was No Big Deal

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It’s been a really hard day. I had a medical procedure today. It was supposed to a relatively minor one, part of preop workup. Not a major event in and of itself.

But my body had other plans. I secretly had very difficult anatomy. Bodies are so annoying. I get sick of it. There are many days I wish I was a cyborg.

So the should-have-been-straightforward procedure turned into a bit of an ordeal. And I’m incredibly sore and exhausted. Really just hanging on to the day with the tips of my fingernails. Feeling like I’m about to fall into a ravine frankly.

It doesn’t help that I’m not great with medical stuff. It’s not a lack of knowledge. I think that might be half the problem. Long ago and far away, I worked in the medical field. But I haven’t been a patient much until the last handful of years when chronic illness first darkened my doorstop. And since then it’s been a very annoying series of visits and decisions and just general… inconvenience.

Yes, the drain on my energy and the suffering from things like pain… like… they’re no fun. But at the end of the day, what gets me is that the whole thing is so inconvenient. It’s like this giant commitment I have to honor. One I never would have made.

Anyway, I understand what’s going on with my body. My doctor is awesome. I have all the info I need to make informed decisions. But I hate being a patient.

I really would rather not be doing this.

So I’m gloomy today. Cranky. Ouchy. Emotional. All over the place.

You put the dinner I have going in the slow cooker into the fridge. Order me food I would never normally get. You take care of everything. Every last bit of it. And you’re so sweet and patient as I’m falling apart.

The next day, when I’m starting to feel a bit better physically, I thank you for how you treated me.

“Didn’t do much,” you say. “Just tried.”

Laconic. Humble. A real understatement. But maybe that’s the beautiful thing about you — you have no idea how wonderful you are. How much you help. You gave me the world and said it was no big deal. This is a pattern in our relationship.

To you it’s normal. It’s the least you can do. And I find this is true of all the best people. The ones who aren’t kindness misers.

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