Kindness Misers: “I’m Always Doing Everything for Everyone Else”

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“I’m always doing everything for everyone else,” she says. “And where does it get me?”

I’m taken aback. I’m not sure where this is coming from. She’s got good qualities, but she’s far from anybody’s whipping boy. If anything, she’s more selfish than most.

“To hell with what they think,” she says, resolutely. “It’s time I took care of me.”

I rack my brain for a gentle way to question this decision, but by the time I come up with something, it’s already too late.

The Most Giving Folks Don’t Talk Much About It

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen something like this happen.

People who use the reasoning “I’m always doing everything for everybody else, it’s time I took care of me” as justification for something selfish they are about to do are rarely people who actually do very much for other people.

There are plenty of people who bend over backwards for others (helloooo people pleasers), sure. But the most giving among us don’t remark on how much they do for others. They just give. Without saying a word.

Typically, an observation like “so and so does so much for other people” is made about a person and not by that person themselves.

Kindness Misers

People who advertise that they engage in prolific selfless acts actually do not do them that often.  However, they feel like they do since they’re kindness misers. A kindness miser puts great significance on every little thing they do that is not done out of self-interest, precisely because it is not in their nature. This leads kindness misers to feel as though they are “always doing things for other people.” But they really aren’t.

In contrast, people who actually do a lot for other people don’t usually advertise it. Truly giving people frankly are often unaware that what they’re doing is unusual in any way. 

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My book is out!

Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory

Featured Image: CC BY – KMo Foto