Hello beautiful, you wrote to me.
Hello beautiful, hello beautiful.
At a time when I was putting out so much energy to everyone else and had nothing else for myself.
Your hello beautiful would sweep in. At precisely the exact moment that I needed such a thing, when I was starting to succumb to brain weasel attacks. Effortless. Perfectly timed.
I still don’t know how you did it. And it probably sounds silly as I recount it – how could such a simple gesture mean so much to me? But it did.
I had long ago reconciled myself to the reality that I was always going to be the person who reached out first. The person who readily gave compliments. Even if this meant that it was lopsided (which it usually was).
I had accepted that I would be the person to other people that I wish they would be for me. (Although I didn’t admit it back then, because it does sound pathetic on a certain level, doesn’t it? Yikes. Oh well. It’s good to admit these things now, takes away their power.)
I would reach out first. Over and over again. I would keep friendships going that would have surely lapsed otherwise. Kept relationships going that would have fizzled. By reaching out.
Because while I often felt pathetic, forever aware of how much effort I was putting into things and fearing what that meant, I hated the alternative more. Being entirely without connection. Being alone.
And then you swept in, quietly — with your hello beautiful texts. With your how was your day? and do you have anything fun planned?
And we danced back and forth, you checking in on me when I was sick. Me checking in on you when you had a migraine. Sending an are you okay? or an what can I do to help? when no one else did.
And step by step, text by text, we “hello beautiful”-ed each other into a wonderful life.
We’d love to have you join us on the Poly Land Discord, but only if you really want to (if you don’t, that’s fine). Here’s more information on how to join. There are so many things I love about our new community, but a big one is how many people there are the kind who reach out first and make space for shy people in conversations. Warms my cold, dead heart.