“You know,” my mother says, “you don’t have to worry about me getting a boyfriend. Nothing like that.” She shakes her head. “Your father was it for me.”
I don’t even have to think about what I say next. It just comes out of my mouth. “Mom, I would be so happy for you if you found someone new to be with.”
“What?” she says.
“I loved Dad so much, and I know you did too,” I say, “but there’s no reason you need to be alone. I mean, if you want to be alone, that’s fine. But Dad would understand. He’d want you to be happy.” I pause. “And I want you to be happy.”
She doesn’t say anything. I can tell she’s really uncomfortable.
“So long as the next guy was good to you, I’d be so happy for you, Mom.”
“Well,” she says. “You don’t have to worry about that.”
“I’m not worried,” I say.
“You’ve made that perfectly clear.” She swallows hard. “You know, that neighbor man is coming after your grandmother again. And I don’t like it one bit.”
“I don’t blame him. She’s a beautiful woman.” It’s true. My grandmother is gorgeous. Super funny. The kindest person I’ve ever met. Just a remarkable human being. She’s lost two husbands at this point, both of whom had chronic illness and she took care of for years. And even watching from my perspective, I could tell it was hard. So hard.
And notably my grandma was one of only three people I could talk to when my dad died who didn’t immediately piss me off. She’s that good with grief.
Because it’s in her, you know. After being widowed twice. It stays with her.
Anyway, my mother flipped out when her mother remarried 30 years ago. It was five years after Nanny was widowed the first time, and my second grandpa was perfect for her, but Mom still thought it was “too soon.”
And as my mother continues to worry that my grandmother will get a boyfriend and to vehemently assure me that she wouldn’t ever do that to me, I marvel at how much all of this seems like a non-issue to me. Nothing worth worrying about it.
And it dawns on me then: If nothing else, polyamory informs how I view widowhood.
*
Exciting news! Poly Land now has a private Discord server. Here’s how to access it.
We’re shaping up to be the Bob Ross/Great British Bake-Off of polyamory groups.
I can honestly say it’s the best group chat I’ve ever been part of (I’m very active in it). It gets more fun and interesting in there every day. We recently added a bunch of new channels and are having some great conversations (about everything you can imagine, really). Hope to talk to you there!