Hi Page, I’m in love with one of my friends, but I’m not sure if it’s a friendly love or a romantic love. It feels somewhere in between. Is that messed up? Have you ever heard of this before?
*
Hey there. I have indeed heard of this. You’re not the only person who has ever experienced this. In fact, there’s a term that might help you to know called alterous attraction.
What is Alterous Attraction? #
Alterous attraction is a kind of emotional closeness that isn’t either platonic or romantic and instead somewhere in between.
I’ve certainly experienced this uncanny valley of sorts — and it’s been maddening in the past trying to decide which it is… platonic or romantic. I’ve felt pressured to categorize it as one or the other, lost until I do.
In reality, there’s a gray space here.
Similarly, people can have alterous relationships which function in the same way — not quite romantic, not quite platonic. Relationships that exist somewhere in between.
What Is a Squish? #
Another helpful term when talking about all forms of attraction — platonic, romantic, or alterous is squish. What’s a squish? In the most basic terms, it’s the nonromantic version of a crush. When you have a crush on someone, you strongly want to start a romantic relationship with them. When you have a squish on someone, you strongly want a nonromantic relationship with them.
Cool, huh?
A Mesh Is Something Between Crush and Squish #
Okay, soo… if there are romantic crushes and platonic squishes — and there’s a form of attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, then… is there a crush/squish term for an alterous attraction?
You betcha. The word is mesh. When you have a mesh on someone, you want an alterous relationship with them.
*
Hope that helps! Not sure that having new language to talk about it makes things any simpler, I’m afraid.
Look, the reality is that feelings and relationships can be quite a bit complicated and so can the terminology describing it all.
But no, you’re not the only one. A bunch of people have felt that way.