Skip to main content

I’m Not Excited About Exclusive Anything, Really

·395 words·2 mins

It’s a very exclusive restaurant, the listing reads.

“Yeah,” I find myself saying aloud, “it’s exclusive. Hard to get into. But is the food any good?”

To be fair, often exclusive restaurants are also pleasant experiences. Beautifully decorated with exquisite cuisine. But occasionally I’ll go somewhere that’s raved about by people in the know, movers and shakers, and well…. It’s disappointing.

I’ve had the opportunity to go to luxury resorts and seen a lot of shoddy things they don’t want me to see.

There’s a difference between quality and the perception of quality. Financially, it pans out about the same though — therefore a lot of businesses try to make their brands and products more exclusive seeming than they actually are. Imply there’s a big demand that isn’t there. You gotta watch out for all that.

It really does remind me of the folks I’ve known who are in miserable monogamous relationships, where their partner treats them like absolute crap, and they’re just unhappy all of the time. But they’ve convinced themselves that it’s valuable — because the relationship is exclusive.

Better than a club that they just let anybody in, amirite guys? (Never mind that you typically don’t just let anyone date you in a polyamorous setting.)

But I get it. I was that person once upon a time.

The funny thing now is that even when I only have one partner I don’t view that relationship as valuable simply because we’re only dating one another. I’m ambiamorous and am about equally as happy in monogamous relationships as I am in polyamorous relationship systems, provided any connections I have are good and healthy.

There are good monogamous relationships for the record. But that’s because they’re good relationships, not because of the monogamy. (And conversely, there are good and bad polyamorous relationship systems — relationship structure doesn’t bless or doom relationships.)

But I’m not being lured in by exclusive as a marketing label. Not about anything, really. Exclusive and good are not the same.


I close the window with the restaurant listing. It’s not nearly time for me to dine in at restaurants. I’m vaccinated, but I have a lot of bigger fish to fry — getting my teeth cleaned and medical workups that were all too easy to postpone during the pandemic. Plenty of other places to take small risks that need taking.


The Complaining Gap
·814 words·4 mins
Communication Relationships
It’s a Bad Sign When One Person Pressures the Other to Open a Relationship
·482 words·3 mins
Polyamory/Monogamy Relationships
There Are Moments When I Can Love Like I’ve Never Been Hurt
·321 words·2 mins