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PQ 21.3 — Are there things I absolutely require in a relationship, and do I communicate those things?

·581 words·3 mins
PQ Series

PQ 21.3 — Are there things I absolutely require in a relationship, and do I communicate those things?


I wrote the very first post in this series ( PQ 1.1 – Have I ever felt romantic love for more than one person at the same time?) nearly two years ago, on August 31, 2016. Which is actually 656 days ago (≈ 656 posts ago) as I type this installment.

As I’m getting near the end of the questions in this book, it occurs to me that I’m a different person than when I started them.

There have frankly been a lot of experiences since that first post. Some of them quite dramatic. And yes, there’s been an awful lot of writing. Blogging here every day (some of it this series, but not all). I’ve put out two books, with a third on the way soon.

So I’m very aware that the answer I give to this question is going to be more a snapshot of where I am at this very moment. Which by the way is sitting on the couch with Forensic Files playing in the background on the TV. While my cat stares at me, looking for his midnight snack. I’ll feed him soon, after I finish this thought. He’s a good boy. He’s very patient. And he knows that if he just sits there for a little bit, I’ll reward his patience.

I’m big on patience, actually. I’m a very patient person. And it’s something I prize in anyone I date. (And apparently in a cat.)

The other big thing I am is flexible. Yeah, yeah, you can make a ton of human pretzel jokes here. I know, I know. But I’m talking more about being able to adapt in order to meet people’s needs. I can do that. And my cat’s pretty good at it, too. He might want to eat right now, but he knows I’m in writing mode. What a good kitty.

And one thing I’ve discovered is that I’m so patient and flexible that I absolutely require those qualities in anyone else I date.

This sounds counterintuitive maybe — because you would think that the fact that I can wait and that I can adapt means I can work around people who are in a rush or who are rigid in their expectations and their thinking.

And you’d be right. But here’s the thing: Just because I _can _deal with impatient and inflexible people, it doesn’t mean that I should.

I realized these past few months that I’m done. I’m done with people who cancel dates constantly (while you keep the ones they set) and then complain that you never see them — in a blaming tone.

I am done with people who decide on week two that if you don’t move in with them that you don’t love them and never will.

Those janky mankies, those junky monkeys, they’re toast. No way, Jose. Whatever, Trevor.

It’s pointless for me to date people like that.

There are plenty of other people who are just like me: Patient and flexible.

There’s absolutely no reason to settle for partners who aren’t.

Okay, kitty, it’s time to get your midnight snack.

Thanks, as always, for reading the blog, folks.


This post is part of a series in which I answer each of the chapter-end questions in More than Two with an essay. For the entire list of questions and answers, please see this  indexed list.


PQ 15.1 — What are my existing commitments? How much time do they leave for new partners?
·352 words·2 mins
PQ Series
PQ 14.7 — Are the needs now the same as the needs when we agreed to this?
·638 words·3 mins
PQ Series
PQ 2.3 – Am I flexible in what I’m looking for?
·152 words·1 min
Polyamory PQ Series