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The Lost Art of Wingmanship: Matchmaking While Polyamorous

·433 words·3 mins

You might think polyamory is wonderful for folks who want to date a lot. And this is true. Predictably, a philosophy that espouses the practice of having simultaneous loving relationships is a good fit for people who want to have them.

But here’s the secret:

Poly is even better for folks who enjoy playing matchmaker.

While I’ve taken my turn as a polysaturated hinge (I once dated 5 people at the same time), these days I’m a consummate underdater. Many times, I look functionally like I’m in a mono/poly relationship with Skyspook. I spend a lot of time working and writing. And cherish my freedom. Plus, I’ve been with so many people at this point (I had a wild youth, well before polyamory) that I don’t get excited easily. I’m open and loving, sure, but if anything, experience has made me particular.

Even If You Don’t Date Much, Polyamory Can Be a Way to Be Surrounded by Love

So why the hell am I still excited about polyamory? Well, setting aside that the _possibility _of dating people when I want to is a good feeling (and it is), I really enjoy being around people who are in love. Even if it doesn’t involve me.

Between my loves, my metamors, my telemours, and my poly friends, I get to watch people be in love. Pretty much constantly. And it’s the best.

I suppose it’s made more dramatic by the fact that I have lots of poly friends. And by the way, poly friends are arguably the best part of the whole shebang.

The Lost Art of Wingmanship

I frequently serve as a sort of “reference” for friends who are crushing on one another. I’m a great wingman.

“What’s her story?” my friend asked me as I sat in the hot tub.

“Oh you like her?” I said.

He did. I’d known his crush for years. We chatted about her positive qualities.

I proceeded on a subtle fact-finding mission the next day. “What do you think about him?” I asked her.

“He’s fucking adorable,” she replied.

“I think you have a shot,” I reported back to him.

They’ve been dating for 2 years.

And recently, a good friend of mine reported in that they’re about to go on a first date with someone they’ve crushed on for years.

All as a result of my meddling.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

“Can I place an order?” a friend jokes at a barbecue.

“I make no guarantees,” I say. “But what are you looking for?”


My book is out!

Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory


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