There have been a lot of new people on my local kink scene lately – which is exciting and wonderful! It’s important for the health of any kink organization for new members to enter as new members will inevitably exit or take an extended hiatus, just like there’s a natural circulation to many clubs. I was chatting in the kitchen recently with my housemate J about some of the new faces, how excited I was to meet the folks. I’d gotten a good feeling about a few of them in particular and felt enthused at the prospect of making some new friends.
J was, predictably, more skeptical. She’s been on the kink scene for about 15 years, much longer than I have (my own formal explorations adding up to a measly year) and has seen some serious shit go down – often involving people that initially seemed harmless or even pretty cool.
J earnestly compares the kink community to a vagina – in that they’re both self-flushing systems. Sure, nasty elements might end up there from time to time, but the system is set up in a way to reject them.
It reminds me of Jay Wiseman’s “90-9-1 rule” (from SM 101: A Realistic Introduction):
“Of every 100 people you encounter building your organization, 90 of them will be basically stable and sincere, nine will be genuinely interested in in SM but too unstable to work out well in the organization, and one will be malicious, outright crazy, and/or dangerous.”
Information is our immune system. Word travels fast, and the members are quick to inform each other of untoward behavior. Sometimes this results in crazy rumors flying all over the place and drama bombs exploding every few months, but for the most part, the alerts serve their purpose.