this sub’s life

J: Pageling, I have something for you.
Me: (through the door) I’m naked.
J: It’s fine. I’m naked, too.
Me: Okay. (opens door)

I love my life.


“I couldn’t do 24/7. It’d just be too much.”

“Sadomasochism makes sense, but I can’t really get into Domination and submission. It seems like those folks live in a fantasy world.”

I hear this a lot. I’ll tell you one thing. I wouldn’t want to scene 24/7, the intensity of being beaten, mind fucked, bonded, caged, confined, any of the extreme states I find myself in during dungeon play as a submissive masochist. We don’t do that. None of the 24/7 power exchange couples that I’ve read about or know personally who have openly shared their experiences do that. It doesn’t mean that couples who do it that way don’t exist. They might.

In our situation, 24/7 more denotes that Dominant and submissive are roles that are a part of a constant dynamic between the two of us, not something we step in and out of to spice things up. It is the natural way we are together, whether we act on it or not. As a result of this, I live knowing that a scene could break out at any minute. He’s been known to pull me in for a hug and unexpectedly sink his teeth into my shoulder, pull me to him by my collar or my hair, hoist me up off the ground while driving me crazy with hot breath on my neck. Both quite libidinous people, we have an active sex life – with kink woven into everything we do sexually. It’s natural for us, not a mode we enter and exit. It’s just how we love one another.

We are busy people. I don’t spend all my time naked except my collar chained to the couch – as appealing as that fantasy might be. I work full time. I make time for a fitness routine. I have a variety of chores and tasks I perform around the house to make life for both of us easier. How does it all work? Clever scheduling. This is particularly the case as I dislike being seen doing chores. I don’t mind working hard, but I hate for others to see me doing it as I prefer that it appear that the chores are magically being done. It’s more fun that way. I get to feel sneaky and virtuous at once!

Though we are in the early stages of engineering our relationship together, we are carving out our own standing orders and protocol.


At Winter Wickedness last month, we were attending a class on M/s relationships. The presenter talked about 2 different scenarios for M/s couples – those who started with a Vanilla relationship and then developed their kink dynamic and those who started with kink dynamic and grew a Vanilla relationship around it. I glanced at Skyspook, confused. “Which one are we?” I whispered into his ear.

“Neither,” he said. “Ours developed at the same time.”

I love my life.

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  1. Hrm, I’ve never heard the “fantasy world” comment, personally. I’d probably give a quizzical look to anyone who uttered it near me – even a lot of “vanilla” relationships have a sprinkling of dom-sub dynamic; what’s so hard in believing that it could be extrapolated upon?

    1. I’ve heard it a bit during my travels in my scene and on Fetlife. Personally, it seems like just a bit of in-fighting – the whole “You’re Doing It Wrong” / “One Twu Way” mentality.

      And I suppose couples have a lot of protocol that might seem archaic or a bit strange on first glance to others, and it’s easy for them to judge?

      I really have a hard time wrapping my mind around what this particular criticism means… I think it’s probably rooted in misunderstanding.

  2. “Ours developed at the same time” <3
    Eeee that made me all fuzzy and warm, that's exactly how I feel about my relationship with Daddy ^_^
    It makes me laugh when people assume Daddy and I spend our entire lives in one big kinky scene – they don't seem to understand that we do the normal things vanilla couples do as well. It's just at the basis of it all, no matter what we're doing, I know Daddy is in control and I want to make him proud. I know that we can easily slip into a scene at any time, and that keeps me wriggling all day long :3

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