The worst heartaches are all about “and.”
You can miss someone AND never want to see them again.
Love someone AND know you don’t make sense together. That you only make each other worse when you’re together. That you’re never going to have the relationship with them that you’d dream you would. And that you’re losing not only whatever it was that you had — you’re also losing what you had hoped for. What you had dreamed. What you had searched for on your own for so many years — and felt euphoria as you discovered what you thought was finally it.
Oh God, I’ve found it, you thought. This is finally it. This is what I deserve. Or, if you’re like me, with similar self-esteem issues, you may have thought, This is more than what I deserve. I don’t deserve this. But I’m so happy I found it. And I’m never letting go.
Only now you’ve come to realize that you have to. It’s over. It’s not right. The disappointment is crushing.
You’re starting over. It’s hard. It’s always hard. And it’s especially hard when you got your hopes up. Because you can leave a situation like this with the sense that it was foolish to get your hopes up. And that you ought to not do that again.
It’s a reasonable conclusion. But I hope you’ll reconsider. Maybe not right now. Give yourself some time to feel wounded. To really honor your feelings. That’s only natural.
But please don’t let it crush your spirit. Temporarily is fine. Again, that’s honoring your pain. But please don’t let it become a forever thing.
Because it wasn’t a mistake to hope. It wasn’t a mistake to long for connection, to see the good in someone else.
I know you’re hurting right now, but I hope that you one day reconsider. Because you were right to hope. And you were right to love.