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Your Toxic Ex’s Self-Deception

·325 words·2 mins

I know it’s hard to watch the way your toxic ex has rewritten history. The distorted way they talk about the time you spent together — and what it all means now that it’s over.

At first you were worried that they’d sway your friends with their twisted tales. But the danger of that passed. Like always, people mostly made up their minds — and everyone you really cared about took the time to check in with you and get your side of the story.

No, other-deception isn’t the issue here.

It’s their self-deception that irks you. You really wish they’d accept the truth. It’s the only way they’re going to grow. Otherwise they’re just going to repeat the same patterns over and over again. Make the same mistakes — all while telling themselves that it had to be that way. When it really didn’t.

You wish they’d learn. Because, in spite of the fact that you’re no longer together, you really do care about them on some level. You never would have dated them otherwise. So on some level, it hurts you thinking about a life where they just bounce from mistake to mistake, always deflecting the blame and embracing comfort, cringing away from any actual growth because it might entail tolerating a bit of pain. Never learning the much-needed lessons.

It hurts you to see it now. And it hurts even more to think about how this pattern will perpetuate. And to think about all the other people your ex could come to hurt because they do anything in their power to avoid learning the lesson they desperately need to learn.

I get it. It’s hard. But you need to walk away from it, just like you walked away from your relationship.

The reality is that your toxic ex’s self-deception is none of your business. What is your business then? Your health, your happiness — and how you move forward from the experience


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