Last night was incredible, you know. It’s been a dark time, but little things like that help. Meaningful conversations. An easy give and take. We really connected on every level.
And I woke up this morning feeling like a new me. A better version of myself. I’d been filled with doubts for several days, plagued by a nagging sensation that no one really cared for me, that I didn’t fit in anywhere and never would. That I wasn’t good enough.
I know. It’s tedious. I get that. If it’s hard for you to hear me talk about, what do you think it feels like for me? As the person who tends to feel that way.
Anyway, I was laboring under this old struggle — plunged there no doubt by the dark times and isolation — when we unexpectedly connected. Deeply. In a novel way.
And this morning I’m feeling a lot better. I can’t believe how different I feel. Like… I caught my reflection in the mirror, and my hair even looked better to me. What is that even?
The funny thing is that nothing fundamental has changed. You always felt that way about me — and to you it’s rather obvious. But now I know about it, too. Not in a cerebral sense — but in a very visceral, immediate way. I can feel that you love me.
And I’m hoping that it stays that way. I’m hoping that I’ll remember this morning later when things get difficult again. When we’ve both gotten busy and distracted with other stresses and we haven’t connected for a while. I’m hoping that at a time like that I’ll remember this moment and can step into it and feel safe and protected by the visceral memory of what you feel for me.
And by the reality of what I feel for you.