I Learned a Lot About Reconnecting in Polyamory from BDSM Aftercare

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email

Alright, I know some of y’all don’t like kink and BDSM. That’s fine. Feel free to navigate away from this article and read or do something else. I won’t mind. Have a wonderful day.

*

Okay, so everyone who is still with me — who either enjoys BDSM or possesses a healthy curiosity about it (or has ignored my earlier warning for some inexplicable reason), I’d like to talk today about a very unexpected thing I learned from BDSM that helped me a TON in polyamory.

Okay, the seasoned kinksters among us know this, but I should go on the record for the rest of us:  BDSM is a lot of things. It’s not just about the beatings. Or sex. It’s about exchanging various forms of energy — and for some people and in certain situations, yeah… this can involve consensual beatings (sometimes known as impact play) and/or sex (although some kinksters are asexual).

Anyway, there’s something I learned when I was new to the kink scene (which I found via polyamory).  A lot of the enjoyment for me comes in the aftercare. Simply put, it’s time after a BDSM scene in which both partners take some time to attend to their own and each other’s emotional needs.

A classic aftercare session might have the bottom or submissive being wrapped in a blanket and given something to drink and a small snack to make sure their blood sugar is okay. My favorite top also tends to cuddle a lot with me and say reassuring stuff.

Now, if you talk to enough kinksters you’ll run into some people who hate aftercare for themselves or might even claim that no one should ever do aftercare. But that ain’t me. I love the stuff. I love it on both sides of a scene, whether I’m topping or bottoming. (I’ve done both.)

What Aftercare Has to Do With Polyamory

Alright, so that’s aftercare. What does that have to do with polyamory?

Well, I’ve found that it feels very similar to successful reconnection I’ve had with partners after not seeing them for a while. Especially when they’ve been out seeing another partner.

I have some fantastic memories of my partner coming home and handing me chicken nuggets right at the door. Giving me a hug and a smile and whisking me away for a joint shower.

And just like during aftercare following a scene, I found myself totally blissed out.

Seriously, having great reconnections after an other-date was something that took me to a whole different level re: polyamory. It made everything a lot more fun.

*

See also: Home Alone? No Worries, Take Yourself On A Date

Featured Image: PD – Pixabay