One of the hardest things I had to get used to when I opened up my marriage to Seth?
Being okay with being alone for the night.
It’s funny how you get used to always having another person around.
With Seth, the difference was particularly striking. At that time, I worked from home, and Seth was a part-time college student who didn’t work over breaks.
So we spent an awful lot of time together in the same space.
I’ll be perfectly honest. The first night alone was really hard for me.
But over time, I got the hang of it, and these days? I find that I enjoy the time alone.
Dating Myself, the World’s Best Mini Staycations
One thing that has worked out well for me? Taking myself on a date.
In my case, this amounts to the world’s best mini staycation. For me anyway. I indulge in all the things that I normally wouldn’t do if my cohabiting partner were around. I cook things that I like but that they don’t like to eat. Watch TV that I love but isn’t their thing (I love me some trashy TV).
Seth couldn’t stand Tyra Banks’ voice. So his date nights were naturally a prime time to binge watch America’s Next Top Model (and perfect my smize).
And when Skyspook is away? I cook so much curry.
What works for you will be individual to what you like. And if you want, you can go even further with the dating/romance angle — do an elaborate bubble bath. Light candles.
It might sound a little goofy, but I’ve gone from a person who was terrified of being alone to actually looking forward to it. These days I even get up early in the morning to snag some alone time. I write. Watch horrible TV. Listen to weird music. Have the run of the house. Basically, I love having time to just kind of “do me” before I have to run off to work.
And even during times when I have only one partner and they are only dating me? These little “home dates” come in handy as a way of not getting so lonely when they have to be away for non-date reasons. Work trips, that kind of thing.
Okay, Sure, You Can Go Out, Too
Yes, I know you don’t have to be alone. You can go on dates of your own. And even if you don’t have a date lined up, you can hang out with a friend or something. Or go out and find something social to do.
But personally? Sometimes I really want to get in my time vegging out at home.
I like being able to be happy alone. Something I never thought was realistic for me.
After all, one of the greatest gifts I got from polyamory was completely unexpected: I realized that ultimately? I am my own primary.