Before we begin, let me say something that doesn’t get said enough: You don’t need a reason to end a relationship. People act like the other person has to have done something horrible. This isn’t true.
Sometimes compatibility is just fiddly — and everyone involved can be a good person, but the relationship just doesn’t work.
Now that I’ve said that, on with today’s post.
It was funny when we broke up. You kept wanting me to be harsher. To say meaner things. You wanted me to tell you what was wrong with you.
And I wouldn’t. Because I didn’t feel that way about you. I didn’t think you were the scum of the earth. Nothing like that. I loved you very much once upon a time. This means that you do have a lot of good qualities. A lot of things that initially drew me to you.
No, you’re not a villain. Yes, there were things about you that I grew weary of. Things that, given a magic wand to wave, I would be tempted to change.
But if I’d changed those things, you might not have been you anymore. Who knows what else would have accompanied those changes?
Besides, there isn’t magic like that.
Anyway, the bigger problem was what happened to me when we were together. Bit by bit, I found myself changing — and in ways I didn’t like. And then one day I woke up, and I didn’t like who I was. Not at all.
It wasn’t me. I didn’t recognize myself. Something important had gotten lost.
So I decided to work on myself. To get on a better, healthier path.
And when I did, I began to lose you. You didn’t like that I was changing. It bothered you. You wanted me to turn back into the person who had twisted myself into shapes to fit perfectly with you.
And that’s when I realized it wouldn’t work.
I’ve moved on — not from you to someone else, but from you to me. To really listening to and loving myself. Respecting myself. Valuing myself.
It isn’t that I don’t like you. It’s that I don’t like who I became when I was with you.
Shouldn’t that be enough?