Why I Never Argue With Someone When They Break Up With Me

a white plate with a red heart on it that's been broken down the middle
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Okay, here’s the deal. If someone wants to break up with me, I say “okay.” I accept it. I might ask why if I’m curious. But I don’t argue with them about it.


Well, here’s the way I see it. When someone decides they want to break up with me, there are two possibilities:

  1. They have a good reason.
  2. They don’t have a good reason.

Scenario #1: They Have a Good Reason

Obviously, if they have a good reason to break up with me, then they should do it. I do the best I’m capable of in relationships. If that isn’t a good fit for someone — for whatever reason — then it isn’t a good fit. Arguing with them isn’t going to change something that’s a true dealbreaker for them, a good reason for them to be breaking up with me. It’s just wasted energy.

Scenario #2: They Don’t Have a Good Reason

“Okay, Page,” you might be saying, “but what if they don’t have a good reason. What if they’re about to throw away a perfectly good relationship for a silly reason?”

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to date someone like that. Someone who will discard another person on a whim for what’s not a good reason.

Is it possible that there’s some kind of misunderstanding and I could possibly talk to them and resolve it and finagle my way back into their good graces? Yes, quite possibly.

But do I really want to commit more time and energy to a person who pushes the “breakup” button so easily? Do I want to leave myself emotionally vulnerable to someone who pursues the breakup option lightly — and hopes the other person will talk them out of it “if they really care”?

No. I don’t.

And for what it’s worth, it’s probably best to know this as soon as possible.

Every Time I Deviate from this Pattern, I End Up Sorry

It might sound a little oversimplified. And you might be sitting there thinking up all sorts of edge cases and times when this strategy of mine could be a BIG FREAKING MISTAKE… but to be honest, I’ve tried deviating from it. (In one case, I had second thoughts and reached out later. In another, I was humoring the response of a third party, who was dating this person at the same time I was.) And every single time I deviate from this pattern, I’m sorry.


Books by Page Turner:

Psychic City, a Psychic State mystery



Dealing with Difficult Metamours

A Geek’s Guide to Unicorn Ranching

Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory 

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  1. This is my EXACT philosophy. I’m not here for a relationship with someone who wants to break up over something trivial. Also, letting someone break up with you is a show of respect.

  2. Okay so this is your best post ever. I love all your posts, but this says it like it is, and I really feel that more people need to think this way.

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