“You know,” I say, “I feel like I’ve been training for lockdown for years and years.”
“Oh?” he replies.
I nod. “All that delayed gratification kink work I’ve been doing is really coming in handy.”
He laughs, but I explain that I’m not joking. Not really. It’s true that a lot I’ve wanted to do has gone on hold for what will likely be a long while yet (and has been about seven months on hold so far). But I’m used to enjoying the wait. Fantasizing about later. What will come after a long while of not having something.
And it was a skill that I first learned in a kinky context, from dominants who made me wait to get what I want.
Nobody Weaponizes Kink Like I Do
I’ve been open about how much it helped me professionally, learning to delay gratification. Learning to not only be able to tolerate not getting what I want right away but to actually enjoy it on some level. (And of course to enjoy the gratification itself more when it finally arrives, whenever it does.)
And all that practice with delayed gratification is helping me be patient and make the most of a truly strange time when I could instead be frustrated about having to wait.
“Page,” he says, after I’ve reminded him of all this, “nobody weaponizes kink like you do.”
“You know,” I say. “That sounds really bad.”
“Why?” he says.
“‘Weaponize’ has the connotation of toxicity or abuse,” I reply. “I’m just using kink to combat forces I’m not really a fan of. Short-sighted thinking, impatience, and frustration with being locked down. I’m just life hacking with kinks. Weaponizing sounds a bit dire.”
But later on, I find myself thinking about it again.
“Nobody weaponizes kink like I do,” I repeat to myself when I’m alone. And this time it makes me grin. “I kind of like that. Makes me sound like a super villain.” I waggle my eyebrows at my reflection in the mirror.