Sometimes Polyamory Means Sweet Goodbyes and Hurrying Back

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Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.

Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Their regular blog is Eclectic Discourse (where pith goes to die; in-depth looks at awkward topics).

Here’s what they wrote for us today:

Goodbyes and Sweetness

I held their face in my hands as we kissed, pressing their body against the wall of the hotel as they held onto me at the waist. We were at once drowning and the other’s life preserver, our lips a desperate grasping to stay afloat in the overwhelming flood of the world without the other coming in. We hadn’t seen each other in a month and we were just now ending a scant 24 hours together in the face of another few weeks apart.

“Hurry home,” I said, my lips brushing the words into theirs. “Hurry home to me.”

Sometimes Polyamory Means Goodbyes

Our goodbye is temporary. They are mid-move to “home” so this was less a goodbye than it was a “see you soon!” But as I’ve been confronted with especially lately, sometimes polyamory means saying goodbye. Sometimes it means leaving one partner to be with another. Sometimes it means moving across the country and finding your relationships ended or completely changed.

Sometimes it means saying goodbye to one of your best friends. Wishing her well while your heart breaks. Regretting that you didn’t see each other more. It’s easy to forget that polyamory often extends beyond the romantic into how many of us understand, structure, and see our platonic and familial relationships, as well.

Saying goodbye to Page and Justin is sometimes as heartbreaking as saying goodbye to a lover I won’t see for months. It hurts the same way. I’m happy for them, but it leaves me empty.

Sampling Sweetness

In Judaism on Rosh Hashana (literally “Head of the Year,” or the new year) we eat apple slices dipped or drizzled in honey. We pray that Hashem (literally “the name,” a term used to name God without naming them) has in store for us a “sweet year,” one filled with joy, connection, and love. By sampling this sweetness just prior to the prayer, we hope to better envision that sweet future.

In much the same way, I try to have sweet goodbyes. A moment of sweetness before the goodbye, so that the future, whatever it brings, is sweet for us both.

Sometimes that means saying goodbye. Sometimes that means saying hurry back.

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Thanks Fluffy!

Readers, if you liked this piece, feel free to check out the other articles Fluffy has written for us:

    1. Sometimes Challenging the Relationship Escalator Means Starting at the Tenth Floor
    2. Love is a Fire, Baby; Six Metaphors for Relationships
    3. Love Is Basically Bias, So What Can You Do?
    4. I’m Too Anxious to Be Jealous
    5. Everything I’ve Ever Learned About Non-Monogamy My Puppy Taught Me All Over Again 
    6. Is There a Right Time or Way to Break Up a Relationship?
    7. When “Problematic” Becomes Problematic
    8. I Was Treated as a Disease Vector: Why There Are So Few Gay Men in Pansexual Polyamory
    9. Being Single Sucks, But We Don’t Want to Hear About It
    10. Consent Culture Is Hard, Yo. 
    11. When Sex Positivity Is Rape Culture With a Bow On It.

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Poly Land is always on the lookout for different perspectives on relationships in general.

If you have an idea for a guest blog post that you’d like to run by us, here’s a link to a post with examples of work that we’ve published in the past as well as our Submission Guidelines.

Featured Image: CC BY – Giovanna Faustini