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PQ 23.1 — A Letter to My Future Metamour

PQ 23.1 — A Letter to My Future Metamour

PQ 23.1 — What are my expectations of my metamours?


Dear Metamour,

First of all, let me say that you have wonderful taste. You are dating one of the best people I’ve ever met. I’m thrilled about this new development and will do everything in my power to ensure that you two have the time and space to pursue that new relationship together.

I know that we all grew up watching love triangles in movies. That there haven’t been healthy vees portrayed in media much at all. And because of that, I know you may have to fight hard against the fear that I’m your enemy and not your friend. A romantic rival and not a co-conspirator.

But I want you to know that I view you as a collaborator and not a competitor. I want my partner to be happy, and I’m thankful that they have another person in their life who can make them happy.

If there’s anything you want to know about me, please feel free to ask. I don’t always have the right words that very instant, but like most writers, if you give me a little time to think, I can usually come up with a close approximation of what I think. (The words never come out quite as well on paper as they do in my head, you see.)

It would be lovely to meet you. To get to see this awesome new person my partner keeps talking about. If you’d like to grab coffee or something, that would be wonderful. Mmmm coffee. Or tea. Or hot chocolate. Whatever you want to drink. (I’ll buy.)

But if you need your space and are still adjusting to the polyamorous newness, I can respect that, too. I’ve been there myself.

And I’ll be here if you ever want to talk. If you ever want to coordinate scheduling. Or plan a surprise for our partner.

Thank you for being so good to someone I care about.




This post is part of a series in which I answer each of the chapter-end questions in More than Two with an essay. For the entire list of questions and answers, please see this indexed list.


My new book is out!

Dealing with Difficult Metamours, the first book devoted solely to metamour relationships, full of strategies to help you get along better with your partners’ other partner(s).

Featured Image: CC BY – cyndygysbers