PQ 5.3 — What does “commitment” mean to me, and why? (see also 1.6)
Today’s question is strikingly similiar to PQ 1.6 (How do I define commitment? Is it possible for me to commit to more than one person at a time, and if so, what would those commitments look like?).
For PQ 1.6, I wrote an overview of commitment. In quick summary, I discussed that commitments seem to fall into 2 general categories: Present Commitment and Future Commitment.
Future Commitment is typically what we default to talking a lot about in relationships. The Commitment to the Relationship. Big C, big R. Big deal, yeah? These things are the future-directed promises, “I’ll never leave you,” “as long as you both shall live,” etc.
Present Commitment, conversely, has to do with how much you are investing and have agreed to invest in one another in a relationship – time/attention, domestic/financial resources, and loyalties.
You can read more about this in depth at the answer for PQ 1.6, as well as some examples of how these have played out in my life.
It would be easiest to say “ditto 1.6” and throw up my hands and walk away.
But I thought I’d take this opportunity to talk about a specific commitment that means a lot to me.
It’s the commitment to post new content to this site every day.
It’s not always easy. I work full time, have some semblance of a social life, own a home. Some days, it’s brutal finding the time to write. Other days, confidence is in short supply. Martin is a vicious critic of my work and an endless source of writer’s block.
But every time I think “Oh, c’mon, do you have to post every day? Live a little,” I remember when I first discovered polyamory in 2009. And was desperately searching for information.
I read everything I could get my hands on. Special shout out to the Polyamorous Misanthrope for basically saving my newbie poly emotional life (this post in particular, oh my God).
I binge read with a fury. Months and years of archives of every blog I could find.
So when I set out to write more widely about polyamory, I asked myself how often I could reliably post new content. Because frequency seemed key. To let polyamorous people know that they weren’t alone. Give them something to look forward to on those days that drag because they’re adjusting to the unique stresses of poly life.
And the interval I set? Daily.
I could post daily.
And so far I’ve been able to stick to strict daily posting since September 2016. It does help that I can write ahead and schedule ahead.
This has allowed me to continue posting new content while I was traveling. While I underwent surgery. Writing ahead and scheduling it.
I am also currently finishing up my first book.(Update: That book is out!)
Additionally, I’ve very much enjoyed featuring Guest Bloggers. And I hope to feature more of your voices here.
I’m committed to Poly Land.
Thank you for reading the site.
This post is part of a series in which I answer each of the chapter-end questions in More than Two with an essay. For the entire list of questions & answers, please see this indexed list.