Ask Page: I Thought Confidence Was Supposed To Be Attractive, Why Is It Turning Me Off?

a child's tricycle stuck in a puddle
Image by Bill Smith / CC BY

My partner recently lost a lot of weight. He’s been trying for years, and I’m genuinely happy for him. He looks great. Problem is that he KNOWS it. I’m all for self-confidence, but he’s downright cocky. Rude. It’s gotten to the point that friends of ours have started to comment on how much he’s changed… and not just physically. 

He looks hot, but I’m finding myself less attracted to him because of his new attitude. Is that weird? I thought confidence was supposed to be sexy. What gives?

“I’m Cute! I’m Cute! Look at Me, I’m Cuuuuuute!”

I once knew a little girl who was absolutely adorable. Chubby cheeks, always smiling. She looked like a kid from commercials.

It was ridiculous. Everywhere she went, people would involuntarily fawn. Strangers would go out of their way to stop her parents. “Your daughter is absolutely beautiful,” they’d say. And they weren’t just being polite. They meant it.

She was a striking child.

But then she got old enough to be self-aware and to start to talk. She quickly realized how others viewed her. And because people frequently pointed it out, one of the first things she learned was that she was cute.

She began to scream, “I’m cute! I’m cute! Look at me, I’m cuuuute!”

Her parents laughed the first time. It was so silly they kind of had to.

But it wasn’t a phase. She kept doing it. She started to do little dances. “Look at me dance!” she’d yell at whoever was around, desperate for attention. “Aren’t I cute? I’m a cute little dancer, yes, I am!”

She began to interrupt adults midsentence to ask them if she were cute. The only acceptable answer was “yes.” If they ignored her or disagreed, she’d throw a tantrum.

And it was precisely at that point that people stopped thinking she was cute and found her annoying.

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My book is out!

Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory

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