It’s been 2 weeks since Skyspook and I first agreed that the time had come to reopen our relationship after a long period of exclusivity, bonding, and self-development. From the outside, very little has changed.
From the inside? Well, that’s a very different story.
I binge read 5 to 10 years of several different poly blogs, geeking out on what other people had run into, noting what WASN’T talked about. Anywhere.
I have been talking about poly constantly, mostly to Skyspook but also to other friends. Sometimes I process insecurities and clarify expectations. Sometimes I indulge in shameless sex and relationship geekery. Usually I am consumed with prurient enthusiasm about possibilities.
It’s been interesting to see how the news hits different friends — some are very surprised, others say it was inevitable. Many express interest in one or both of us — whether personally or as a matchmaker. Regardless, I feel like I’ve been coming out over and over again, a process that has really led to even more processing. The variations have been interesting. Our chief reason for opening up, that we were tired of policing our monogamy (wait, is that cheating? is THAT cheating? did I just cheat? did we both?) and just want to let things be what they are, hits people different ways, resonating easily with some, not so much with others.
As a result, I’ve had so many discussions lately with friends that have turned into my asking them about their ideas surrounding poly, their expectations (for example, ask versus inform as a consent standard – more on that later in blog-a-licious form), etc, that I’m starting to feel like I’m interviewing folks for a poly project for school.
And I’ve decided to roll with the poly Lois Lane piece. And maybe take it a bit further (more on that later as well).
A few other effects I’ve noticed:
Interestingly, we’re talking more with friends (who are predominantly poly) and relating to them in a closer way — I never would have imagined that the monogamous boundaries were having non-sexual isolating effects but there you go.
We’re more into each other. Yes, this is possible. We seem to have caught a wave of NRE just from being able to negotiate the new structure and talk through stuff. It probably doesn’t hurt how spicy all the possibilities are (even imagined new shiny can be inspiring). It’s very wonderful.
We’ve finally gotten around to trying to expand our social circle a bit. This has been on the to-do list for some time but is extraordinarily easier as a poly person. For one, married people looking for new “friends” sounds less like a euphemism for a bit of discreet strange when you’re open about your openness.
We are generally more social with other people and are getting out more.
All of this has predated any actual dating or sexytimes, so it’s particularly interesting as it indicates a change in our “social tone” more than consequences of increased entanglements.