It’s fun to puzzle people. I take this as a sign of progress. I used to feel ashamed when people would point out that things I was doing were different, even if they said it in a relatively nice way (“you’re really interesting,” “I never know what you’re going to say next,” etc), but nowadays it’s amusing. Part of it is working to become a person that I’m happy to be, and part of it is accepting what I am, but really, it’s 100% awesome.
It’s super not fun whatsoever to become a person you like being… forces you to face shit you don’t like about yourself, stare it in the face, and bust your ass trying to do things differently – rather than deflecting blame, making excuses for yourself, rinsing, and repeating. It’s wretched, guts you, drives you to the edge. You lose people and things you love. But it’s the best investment I ever made.