Layers

When Skyspook and I first started dating 3 years ago, he was seeing 2 other married women in addition to me, and I had a husband, another boyfriend, and 2 girlfriends. There were also a few others that I sent intimate texts and emails to that would have gotten me in trouble if I had been exclusively partnered–including the notorious Slut Monkey! Ay, his texts could peel paint off walls!

But I digress.

It sounds pretty complicated, and I guess on some levels, it was. But mostly, it was simple. I had a simple set of rules I abode by that I’d developed over my time as a polyamorous person, and if people couldn’t deal with my behaving in accordance with those, then I knew that relationship wasn’t for me, and I’d end it. A bit cutthroat, but I was practical. I was a busy bee, and I had options. When you don’t have resources to cater to the whims of every African violet, you frankly don’t.

Being mono had been relatively simple, too. Exclusivity. Period.

But this relationship I’m having now, where Skyspook and I are basically polyfidelitous with just us two? Way more complicated for me than it probably should be. I have a tremendous amount of mono guilt and have for some time.

At the same time, I love not having all of my time taken up by relationships (it can be very draining and so emotionally and sexually stimulating as to make it difficult to get anything else done) or having to deal with any drama.

I also feel like I’m having this relationship that there are no models for, not really, not in the mono world (i.e., the world at large) or the poly world.

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