Something my therapist has been working on with me lately is examining old beliefs, basically things other people have told me that I find problematic and stressful and reframing or rejecting them as necessary. In addition, I’ve been tasked with building a belief system that suits me, my life where it is now, where I want to go – what I feel to be true. This is especially important as much of what I had believed has been scrapped as it’s not serving me well.
Here are a few things I’ve settled on:
- Work ethic is extremely important.
- Leaving is always an option if my needs aren’t being met.
- Who we are versus what we do is an important distinction.
- There is no sense being around those who do not treat me well when I have those who will do so gladly.
- There is no intrinsic honor in suffering.
- Being able to show a person your strengths and weaknesses and be met with acceptance builds intimacy.
- Everyone has weaknesses, whether they’re apparent to you or not, whether they admit it. And that’s 100% okay.
- I make people laugh.
I’m far from finished with these, but it’s a start. I still have a lot of ruminating to do on the concept that I have value to other people (I’ve been conditioned by family and ex-lovers to believe I’m a burden rather than a boon, despite contrary evidence provided in friendship and professional settings – and lately romantically with Skyspook), puzzling that bit out analytically so that I have some sort of basis for that belief. Skyspook, therapist, and my friends have been telling me that it’s the case, but I don’t believe it, and since belief comes from within, I have to find the tiny part of me that believes it, feed it some logic and reasoning, and watch it grow.
I can do this.