Fixable

Golden Gate Bridget at sunset

“A man who survived jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge said, ‘I can still see my hands coming off the railing…I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable — except for having just jumped.'”

-Paul Austin, Something for the Pain

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I got divorced yesterday.

I didn’t use to believe in divorce. I prided myself on the depth of my commitment to my marriage, to working things out, to honoring my promises.

Over the 6 years of my former marriage (preceded by 4 years of dating one another), I watched friends go through their own divorces, and though I had nothing but kind words and support for them, secretly inside I judged them for it, thought they were giving up, felt superior to them because I thought I possessed a sense of commitment they did not.

And then my own marriage started to come apart, and I learned how different a failing marriage can appear from the inside, how impossible some things are to fix, how easy it is for people to grow apart, and how it takes two people to fix things to the point where life is worth living together and not only that but they have to agree on what that fix should be and cooperate at a time when trust is so fractured that their connection is tenuous at best.

I was wrong about divorce. Just as we are free to marry one another, we are free to sever that bond should it become necessary for our survival, emotional, physical, or otherwise.

Sometimes reclaiming your freedom is the most responsible thing you can do.

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4 Comments

  1. Good for you. I stayed married WAY to long, so did my partner. Be good to yourself. Give yourself a lot of grace.
    Isn’t it amazing how much more compassion we have once we’ve fallen from our high horse?

  2. Feels odd to “like” this one. Guess I just mean that I get it. When I got divorced, it was a situation where nothing really awful had happened, but we had just become people that didn’t much want to be with that other person. “Grew apart” is the term. We could have stayed together until one of us died, but why?

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