If I try to be monogamous with a vanilla man with low libido ever again, someone please inform me of the error of my ways.
I recently had a nice girly evening with the lovely Sika in which we commiserated about the plight of the kinky, libidinous female.
We’re raised culturally to believe that men are hardwired to constantly want sex day and night, provided they have access to an attractive partner. “Men are the gas; women are the brakes,” I was told over and over again growing up. The first big shock was that though I was many things, I was certainly not the brakes. I found myself constantly aroused, seeking sensation, affection, pleasure.
The second big shock was that men are not always the gas.
Ex-Husband had a bit of a sex drive in the beginning of the relationship, but what interest he started with quickly trailed off and continued to atrophy over the years as I found myself increasingly sexually frustrated and unfulfilled. What was I doing wrong? I wondered. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t he want me?
Sika had a similar experience with an ex, where his lack of sexual interest drove her to try everything she could think of, thinking that if she were more beautiful, “better” in some tangible sense that he would show more interest.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. In both of our cases, those sexual relationships never became as active as we desired, despite our best efforts, and have become things of the past.
Where they should stay.
Sex and love and my emotions are braided for me. I cannot accept any one of these in isolation from the other. It only ends in disappointment.