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You Have Ruined Me & It Makes Dating So Difficult

·328 words·2 mins

It’s funny because when people find out I’m polyamorous, the first thing they often wonder is if it means that I’m unhappy with the partner they know about.

Or, they’ll say something like, “Oh wow, I never would have guessed. You two seem so happy.”

That’s because we are. I actually met my nesting partner after we’d both been polyamorous for a while. We were both dating multiple other people when we met and were friends for a while.

And we were more surprised than anyone when we tried dating and fell in love. Hard. So hard.

We’ve both seen a bunch of other people since then – mostly separately, but a few were people we actually both dated (o rganically, completely driven by the other person who dated one of us first and then was like hmm…).

And I have to say that I have noticed my dating life changed after I got together with them. Because the reality is that I got waaaaay pickier after we started seeing one another.

Because it’s true what I’ve told them many times – “you have ruined me.”

I’m so used to being with someone excellent. Someone rare. And being treated so well. That it’s honestly really hard to find out there. And most of what I find when I do the active online dating thing is transactional behavior and really boring conversations.

I get that some of it is baked into the format. It’s a numbers game, after all. I get that people are hurried and not putting in a ton of effort into any one outreach. But that’s not the only thing. It’s also that I’m with a really great person. It’s hard to meet one person this great, let alone multiple.

That’s why I don’t sweat it. I enjoy my life. And I stay open to meeting other people who are great.

If it never happens? No big deal. I’m already luckier than most people ever get.


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