“I’m so glad I could talk to you,” she says. “I love that you don’t judge. I can’t tell other people.”
“I know what you mean,” I say.
“It’s wild… it’s like… the less actual knowledge and experience that people have, the more likely they are to jump in and be the ones giving advice,” she says. “I’ve noticed it a lot with my local groups. Sometimes folks will post about relationship issues looking for guidance. And it’s not an ideal situation. But not the worst one in the world. It’s a real life difficult relationship issue. Because real life is messy in a way that memes don’t capture.”
“And then there will be a pileup. Just of folks ignoring the ask for advice — even when the OP specifies that they don’t want to leave the relationship, they want to work on it — all saying, ‘dump them, dump them.’ And on shit that’s not even that bad. On shit that’s frankly pretty normal and workable.”
I laugh. “Yeah,” I say. “On the Internet, everyone wants you to dump them already.”
“And that would be fine, I guess,” she continues. “But there’s such hypocrisy. Because that’s not how those people are behaving. How do I know that? Well, because I do. Especially in my local groups. The biggest ‘dump them already’ people are putting up with some serious shit. I’m thinking of one person in particular who’s such a doormat. She’s quick to tell other people to break up over a simple misunderstanding — yet she’s tolerating actual abuse.”
I nod. “I wish I didn’t know what you’re talking about, but I do. I’ve seen it, too. With other people, at other times.”
“Well, at least I’m not the only one,” she says.
“You’re not.” I pause and then add, “Thank goodness for private conversations with friends who aren’t Judgey Mc Judger Pants.”
She smiles. “Thank goodness indeed.”