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Vulnerability — or Too Much, Too Much! On My Terms

·307 words·2 mins

We are messing around. Wrestling. Like we do. It’s kind of our thing, a way that we bond. You’re twice my size. So I never win. But that’s kinda not the point. It’s about the struggle. The joy of it.

And anyway, this time our size disparity creates a thrilling experience, when you sweep me off my feet effortlessly and have me flying through the air like a toddler playing airplane with an adult.

It’s thrilling for a moment and then it’s too much. In an instant.

And in that instant, the first thing that flies out of my mouth is this: “Too much, too much! On my terms!”

Not “put me down.” Not “aieeee” or some other unintelligible cry of terror.

No, my primal cry is “Too much, too much! On my terms!”

It kills you with laughter. You have to set me down at that moment because my instinctive reaction strikes you as so funny that you’re having trouble breathing.

When you’ve recovered, we agree that while it’s a weird way to cry out for help, it’s not the worst way to describe vulnerability.

Because I’ve been there so many times. Excited to be in a situation. Figuratively swept off my feet by a new person or opportunity — beset by New Relationship Energy.

And then there’s a moment of terror when I realize that I’ve left the ground. That I’m vulnerable. That if the person sweeping me off my feet drops me, whether intentionally or accidentally, that I will fall to the ground and get rather hurt.

But I suppose that’s the cost of having such a good time. That’s a risk you take when you’re vulnerable with someone. When you let them sweep you off your feet.

I suppose you might as well enjoy the view, even if it fills you with terror.


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