Skip to main content

Choosing a Home with Non-Monogamy and Privacy in Mind

·392 words·2 mins
Polyamory Slice of Poly Life

“You know what I’m looking forward to the most about buying a house?” she says.

“What’s that?”

“Personal space. Privacy,” she says. “And lots of it.”

I nod. I know what she means. As it stands, it’s pretty much impossible to have a date over in her apartment and have any degree of privacy if her nesting partner is home. And vice versa.

So she’s always awkwardly walking in on his dates and sequestering herself in the bedroom. And so is he, when the shoe is on the other foot.

“It’s not that anyone really minds,” she says. She tells me that they’re lucky that way, that everyone involved is experienced and comfortable with polyamory. And she likes her metamours (her partners’ other partners) and her nesting partner gets along with the people she’s seeing as well.

“But still,” she says. “It’s far from ideal.”

“I get it,” I say. “I know I don’t have the biggest house in the world, but having three levels to work with helps tremendously.” I tell her that having multiple floors acts as a kind of natural sound barrier. You can’t really hear anything unless you’re on the same level. And if you’re _two _floors apart, it’s like no one else is home.

Seriously, other people living here have had loud sex and even done heavy BDSM scenes in my basement while I was working upstairs, and I heard nothing. I only know about it because folks told me about it later, amused that I’d missed the whole thing.

So if a person is hanging out in the basement with a date, anyone upstairs would have no idea. And vice versa. Plus, the second floor and basement both have their own bathrooms.

“Essentially,” I say, “the floors function almost like separate apartments. Although if you want or need privacy, you really shouldn’t hang out on the first floor. That’s where the food and the exits are, things people will eventually need to access. You can’t really claim exclusive dibs on them.”

“I can see that,” she says. “It’s a good setup.”

Later, I’m imagining her and her partner going around looking at houses. Confusing the realtor as one of them walks into the basement and the other runs up to the second floor and they try yelling at one another to see if the sound carries.


Is It Okay to Babysit Your Metamour’s Kids?
·1028 words·5 mins
Advice Friend Polyamory Slice of Poly Life
Going It Alone… Kinda: A Life Full of Love and Understanding
·675 words·4 mins
Polyamory Slice of Poly Life
Is It More Ethical to Hide a Metamour’s Insecurity From Your Partner? Or More Ethical to Tell Them?
·1331 words·7 mins