“That’s Not Just Polyamorous People”

a black and white photo of an orchestra in concert
Image by Antonio Castagna / CC BY

Without fail, whenever one of my essays is shared enough, folks will start commenting on it in a very familiar way:

  • “This isn’t unique to polyamory.”
  • “This doesn’t just apply to polyamorous people.”

This happens even with essays that aren’t specifically about polyamory, ones in which I’m just talking about relationships in general. Even with these writings, folks who notice that it comes from a polyamory-focused site are inclined to be surprised (and occasionally irritated) that the advice or insights within can apply to a monogamous relationship.

Now, these kinds of statements typically don’t seem to be intended as compliments. But even so they tend to hit me that way. Whenever I receive a comment like that, it always makes me smile.

Because that’s the whole point. That’s part of why I started writing so much about polyamory in the first place. To help others understand that polyamorous people aren’t aliens. Or robots. We’re people. So a great deal of what a polyamorous person says or writes is going to be relatable to other people in general — and not just other polyamorous people.

We’re not the inscrutable other. There is no wizard behind the polyamory curtain. We’re just people, people who happen to structure our love lives a different way.

That’s all. It’s really as simple as that.

There is also no one way to be polyamorous.

Polyamorous people, like any large group of individuals, are incredibly diverse and varied. They come from all walks of life. All different emotional temperaments.

There are even folks in polyamorous relationships who consider themselves ambiamorous, which means that they are able to be happy in either mono or poly relationship systems. (I’m one.)

And whether you’re having a single romantic relationship or, oh, eight (for you busy rascals), you’re still having relationships with other people. Which means a lot of the same principles still apply. And many of the experiences are the same.

That’s Not Just Polyamorous People

That’s not just polyamorous people, a reader writes.

Of course, I reply. Thank you. I’m glad that came across. Polyamorous people are people. Polyamorous relationships are relationships. We’re playing the same songs, just with larger orchestras.

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Books by Page Turner:

A Geek’s Guide to Unicorn Ranching

Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory 

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