PQ 14.1 — What is the purpose of this agreement?

a photo of a toy Santa Claus taking mug shots in two positions
Image by Kevin Dooley / CC BY

PQ 14.1 — What is the purpose of this agreement?

Try Hard…With a Vengeance

The door flies open, smacking against the other wall.

“What is the purpose of this agreement?!” the intruder yells, pulling his machine gun to the ready.

Everyone hits the deck. Some dive behind desks.

“Drop that phone,” the intruder shouts at a man surreptitiously dialing numbers on the floor. They make eye contact. The man freezes in terror. The gunman shoots the receiver out of his hand.

“I’m running the show here,” the gunman announces. “And so long as you play by my rules, no one will get hurt.”

“And if we don’t?” a voice calls from the shadows. It has a swagger to it. It sounds like a man who is equal parts whiskey, bravado, and don’t give a $%^&. Like a cop that’s on vacation — and not above taking out a perp if they get in the way of his R&R.

“I’ll kill one of you every hour on the hour.”

Vacation Cop steps into the light. Draws off the lit cigarette dangling in his mouth and with one quick motion drops it into a nearby potted plant. “Well, at least you have a plan. I respect that,” he says, as he draws his own weapon. His own gun blazes in a flash, before the gunman even has a chance to react.

Agreements Should Treat Others as Allies, Not Adversaries

This is the scene that played out in my mind as I considered today’s question: What is the purpose of this agreement?

I get the spirit of the question — it’s important to understand why we form the agreements that we do. Introspection is definitely something you don’t want to skimp on.

I do think, whenever possible, it’s best to form agreements in a way that’s non-defensive and in a way that treats the people covered by them as allies rather than adversaries.

Here’s a post that has a lot more information on negotiating polyamorous relationship agreements.

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This post is part of a series in which I answer each of the chapter-end questions in More than Two with an essay. For the entire list of questions and answers, please see this indexed list.

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