I love to work, I love to work, I love to work out after work.
I’d love to spend a little time with this woman I’m seeing,
Except, uh, we never really get any time to spend together,
So, we call each other up, and we talk about work.
-lyrics from “Stress,” Jim’s Big Ego
A common lament from the polyamorous is that although love is infinite, time and energy are not. And how much availability you have for new relationships isn’t determined solely by the number of partners you have: A variety of things can easily polysaturate you, especially stress.
I’ve been friends with Ro for 6 years now, and part of what I’ve always admired about her is that she’s ambitious. She’s a person who keeps herself busy. Takes leadership roles. Challenges herself. And she’s responsible and follows through with what she takes on, even if it sours and becomes an unpleasant task.
We have that in common, really. Work ethic is one of my core values, and although I never feel like I quite measure up to my ideal self-image that way (a curse, the result of having 2 perfectionist parents), I completely respect this quality in others. And in Ro.
Also, she’s really fucking hot.
And it blows my mind that I get to go on a date with her.
The only catch: Neither of us knows quite when that will be. It’s “later, when things slow down a bit.”
When I’ve run into this sort of situation in monogamous dating (either personally or through watching friends), it’s rarely worked out. Having to delay dating 6 months? A year? Often meant that the window closed. One person would stumble into another relationship, close up, before the other was free. It was a bit like leaping from one moving train to another, going a different direction, at a different speed.
But one great thing about polyamory: That window can be a lot wider. Sure, Ro and I both have anchor partners we make time for. And other responsibilities. But we make out when we see each other at parties. And once the time is right? We’ll spend more time together.
But honestly? I’m quite content for the time being to appreciate the fun we’ve had and look forward to whatever might happen. There’s something to be said about the sweetness of delayed gratification. The thrill of anticipation.
After all, part of what I love about polyamory isn’t necessarily how much I’ve got going on any one time but the incredible possibility of what might be.
It’s nice having something to look forward to.