Abandoning Abandonment Issues: They’re Not Rare, Not Our Master

a pair of pink LL Bean boots abandoned on the beach
Image by gazeronly / CC BY

“You left me.”
Not realizing until I’ve said my final good-bye and closed the door behind me, that he’s not referring to the past.
He’s prophesying our future.

-Alyson Noel, Blue Moon

*

“I can’t believe you. Are you just going to avoid me all the time? Do you actually want to spend time with me?”

I frowned. “I asked if you wanted to schedule a hang out, and you changed the subject.”

She scoffed. “You weren’t in your room when I checked last night.”

“Because you didn’t schedule a time with me. And I felt like going out. So I went out.”

“You knew I had abandonment issues when I met you!” she yelled. “And you’re still testing me. You weren’t there when I needed you. Just own it. Own what you did!”

I froze, confused.

You would think she was my mother. But she wasn’t. Michelle was my metamour. And sometimes my lover.

And whatever I was, it was never reliable enough for her. Where others would remark on how much support I offered, how much attention I gave them, Michelle’s recounting always focused on the times she couldn’t reach me.

Abandonment Issues Are Not Rare

Abandonment issues are a funny thing. You don’t need to be abandoned by your parents to have them. Abandonment issues can onset for any number of reasons: grief at the death of a loved one, social rejection (from friends or loved ones), parents divorcing, abuse.

In truth, there are many, many causes for abandonment issues. They are not a rare occurrence. Not at all.

In fact, I’m yet to meet a person without them. A person who hasn’t met with the pain of loss. Of change they never anticipated — and certainly didn’t want.

However, abandonment issues often pass unnamed, unnoticed. It’s only when they reach a severe degree or a person becomes consumed by them that we speak of them.

And while it’s entirely appropriate to ask those who love us for support in facing them? Ultimately, abandonment issues areĀ ourĀ issues to own and to face. Now, this doesn’t mean that our loved ones can’t exacerbate those preexisting patterns through their actions. This certainly can happen.

But if we confuse the past patterns of abandonment with our current present day reality? It’s a perfect recipe for a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Liked it? Take a second to support Poly.Land on Patreon!

Leave a Reply

You may also like