When Skyspook and I married in 2012, it was against an unusual backdrop. I was divorced and had already done the traditional “forsaking all others, til death do us part” wedding ceremony. We all saw how that turned out. I knew this time I wanted to do things a little differently and have a polyamorous wedding ceremony.
Skyspook and I had originally met and dated as part of a large poly network before a domino chain of breakups. Skyspook and I were one of the only surviving relationships. And as the months went on, it became obvious that we weren’t surviving, we were thriving.
We took a hiatus from establishing new connections, preferring instead to focus on self-improvement and strengthening our bond. But we agreed that all it would take to open our relationship once again was a conversation.
It was during this hiatus that we married.
It was important to us to celebrate our bond without making that bond contingent upon monogamy. We suspected we might one day reopen and a number of our friends (and wedding guests) were themselves polyamorous.
Here’s the polyamorous wedding ceremony I wrote.
The Polyamorous Wedding Ceremony
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of nature, and before these friends and family, to join together these two wonderful people in Matrimony. We are here to celebrate love. Love organizes our large and sometimes unpredictable world. It is that which enshrines and ennobles our human experience. In the words of the late Carl Sagan, “For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.”
All of you are present today because you, in one way or another, have been part of Skyspook and Page’s lives. On their behalf, I welcome you all to share with us in this day of joy and unity.
It is fitting that it is today, the day of the Fall Equinox, that Skyspook and Page come together as equals.
In this spirit, they will now exchange vows of love and commitment.
[We do custom vows.]
Shared experience and shared community and love are the ties that bind, what unite us. I’d like to invite anyone here who approves of this union and wants to show their acceptance, love, and support to come forward and tie these two together with these ribbons.
[Ribbon-tying ensues, and it’s awesome.]
Do you Skyspook, accept Page as your partner — joining with her today in matrimony — offering your friendship and loving care — honoring her growth and freedom as well as your own — cherishing and respecting her, loving and embracing her in times of adversity and times of joy? If so, answer now, “I do.”
Do you Page, accept Skyspook as your partner — joining with him today in matrimony — offering your friendship and loving care — honoring his growth and freedom as well as your own — cherishing and respecting him, loving and embracing him in times of adversity and times of joy? If so, answer now, “I do.”
Skyspook and Page, in the presence of your family and friends who have joined you to share this moment of joy, you have declared your deep love and affection for each other. You have stated your wish to live together, always open to a deeper, richer friendship and partnership. You have formed your own union, based on respect and honor. Therefore, it is my joyful responsibility to officially acknowledge your union as life partners. You may now seal your marriage with a kiss.
Prior to the ceremony, Skyspook and I had cut a variety of ribbons to convenient tying length. One by one, our friends came forward and tied our hands together (as pictured above). It was a beautiful way for people in our life to show their support for our relationship, and the visual effect was quite pretty. It was a take on pagan handfasting, but instead of just one connection, it emphasized that we had many, that we were joined together by all the people (and things) that we hold in common.
Plus, being tied together is extra meaningful to kinksters.
Of course, there’s no one right way to do a polyamorous wedding ceremony, but this one worked for us quite well.