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The Main Quest

·211 words·1 min
Mental Health Misc Psychology

Staying positive is my major goal — if I were a video game protagonist that would be the main quest that advances the plot. However, I have noticed the maximum depth of existential angst of which I am capable steadily increases year by year. On the same hand, so does joy. It’s curious, this parameter growth.

One of my music instructors impressed upon me quite early that the best course of action was “keeping an even keel,” and of course zen Buddhism darts in and out of my life (it refuses to waft mysteriously in like it does for others or bestow me with any airs of superiority; there is no grace or mystery to it), and yet I am not the keeper of mild emotions or neutrality. I feel intensely — and the scalding hot and freezing feelings mix midstream to simulate the warmth I see others assuming quite more naturally. In other words, I’m a mixture of extremes. There is nothing moderate about me.

I’m eternally passionate. This is not always socially acceptable so I expend great amounts of energy masking it.

Anyway, I’m pretty much exhausted, but I need to keep going. I have somewhere specific I’m heading, and with any luck, I’ll get there before I collapse.


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