What the fuck is love anyway, and why do I care about it so much?
In 2009 Seth and I had first opened, and I was feeling really raw until it occurred to me that I was placing so much stock in precisely what made blood rush into my husband’s penis. I marveled at this. I was all life or death about things that glands do.
This internal work was part of what got me to stop catastrophizing and get alright in the head.
But at the same time, I do find myself thinking sometimes that love is just some hallucination and asking myself:
Why does it feel so important?
Why is sex so fun?
Why is my ego tied up in these things?
There are obvious answers of course. Reproduction, the survival of the species. I opted out of that consciously, but it’s still probably hardwired into me.
Still, I’m seeking more of an answer, what I consider a better answer.
The best I’ve been able to figure so far is that “love is emotional gravity.”
Of course, now I know enough about physics to know that gravity is nowhere near the strongest force in the universe (1. strong force, 2. electromagnetism, 3. weak force, 4. gravity).
But perhaps that’s the whole point. It’s a tending towards one another, but it’s not everything. There are stronger forces.
It is, however, something. And it can be quite powerful and/or quite damaging, given the right context.