Standards

The hardest part about becoming a person who has standards is that

a) I’m now capable of being disappointed by other people in situations that do not involve gross mistreatment/neglect

and

b) I have almost no experience in dealing with the feelings that come from people disappointing me in minor ways.

I always used to assume it was me, that I did something wrong that caused it or must have unreasonable standards. It didn’t help that I’d had it drilled in my head by multiple sources that a person couldn’t be creative, emotional, AND rational. Knowing I was the first two (creative and emotional), I couldn’t possibly be rational. So whenever I’d feel the slightest twinge of disappointment, I’d lower my standards to remedy the cognitive dissonance. You know, in a way, in THIS way, I was gaslighting MYSELF to create harmony between how others treated me and how I felt felt about myself. Haven’t been able to do that for the last 6 months or so, at all. And on days when there is a flurry of minor disappointments, I actually miss dependent personality disorder.

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